06-01-2020, 10:12 PM
1167
Re: Let's have a laugh
Two Glasgow boys, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock’s forthcoming wedding.
‘Aye, it’s all going like magic,’ says Jock.
‘I've got everything organised already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night...’
Archie nods approvingly.
‘Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in!’ continues Jock.
‘A kilt?’ exclaims Archie, ‘That’s grand, you'll look pure smart in that! And what’s the tartin?’
‘Ach,’ says Jock, ‘I imagine she’ll be in white.’
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A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whisky.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lip
Paddy handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"
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Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?" Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!"
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Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off. I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHT BULB! .. I'M A LIGHT BULB!"
Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman. "I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.
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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says “You know what I want, don't you?
"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole 'friggin' bed by the looks of it!"
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