Re: I am my husbands carer

I`m sorry you`re going through it at the moment. I`m a full time carer for my son who has severe mental health problems.
Do you have acess to someone to talk to? A group or counsellor? I find it helps to rant.
These life-changing conditions are hard because they have taken away the future you expected to have. The plans you made are gone and it`s very hard to see another way forward.
I find it helps to take it one day at a time and, like you, my dogs keep me sane.
Is your OH on any anti-depressants or having help with his depression at all? perhaps he`s not ready yet? In my area I`ve had to fight for the right support, but things have gradually built up and we`re being helped now. Please make your needs known - carers are very important.
x

Re: I am my husbands carer

One of my best friends Annette has an ileostomy she had crohns and ulcerative colitis she was constantly in and out of hospital her late teens then had the operation that literaly liberated her......from hospital.
She had to start dating with the bag ....which was difficult especially as an ileostomy is much more difficulty to control than following colostomy but she did cope as do many she did though suffer depression but we went on holidays in our early twenties... to Greece etc and the "progression of bags etc has increased greatly." she met her husband and married and they have a 17 year old son now. All complete with "her bag" it is confidence, and I would have to say you would never guess she has anything...at all. I only know because I've known her so long, and recall the frequent trips to hosiptal....before and after. But it is embarrassing I can see that, but unless we learn to talk about it...it will remain so. I mean 15 years ago any sort of cancer was a taboo subject and now bowel cancer is being spoken of......power to your hubby's elbow.

And as someone undegoing another set of tests now to see if my cancer has returned I say "enjoy Christmas and bugger the World" But I agree its harder for those in the family to cope than those undergoign treatment as you feel responbsible for them being unhappy/worried. My Dad has recently been diagnosed with Stomach cancer...at 80 and he is fine in himself...and I worry more about him than me. One of those things.

Smile and move on or moan and move on the key being "moving forward if only a step a week"

Take care Karen (yeap that makes two of us a formidable force) so keep chatting away.

Re: I am my husbands carer

thanks nero. i will, and all the best for christmas and new year to you and your family too xxx

Re: I am my husbands carer

Just read about your husband. Just know that people on these boards will help you to just feel better and cope. I too have had a lot of problems recently and I have found that strangers on a message board have been unbelievable, they have surrounded me in support. Not just tea and sympathy but genuine support. I hope you feel that you can turn to these messages when you feel the need of cheering up.

Re: I am my husbands carer

Kazz: thank you so much, what you have just told me about your friend, and yourself and family has given me so much hope for the future.
'I will Smile and Move on'
claireandaisy: i'm sorry to hear about your son too.
yes my husband (freddy) is on anti-depressants i'm not sure if they are doing any good tho. I usually turn to the McMillan nurses for advice and support they have been marvelous up to now.
cookiecate: thanks for your reply, all the replies i have had so far have really made me think and realize it's not the end of the world for either of us, i will show him your comments and with a bit of luck it may help him come to terms with his stoma too.
We have a large and wonderful family supporting us, but talking on this message board to people who have either been through/or know someone, going through something similar and not related or close to me is very refreshing and is helping me a hell of a lot.
so thank you all very much again for your kind and supportive words.
Karen xx

Re: I am my husbands carer

H liverbird thought I would just pop in and wish you the very best for the season. I hope the weather has not been causing you too much trouble, I see you are in the Wirral and you seemed to be getting a large share of snow. We in Cumbria seem to be a bit frozen.

Anyway I hope you have a good Christmas. It will be a bit lonely for me although I have my husbands mother coming over for a couple of days. Funny you can be quite lonely even when you are in a crowd.

Re: I am my husbands carer

Bless You xxx
all the very best to you too xxx
we in the Wirral have not had snow either, just rain and freezing cold, so much the same as you.
I know what you mean about being in a crowd yet feel alone.
I've finished all that needs to be done (i think) i hope.
Merry Christmas Cookiecate speak to you soon.

Re: I am my husbands carer

So sorry to hear about your husband ,My husband has a severe back problem and they also found out at 47 he had Spina Bifida he has really bad bouts and looks at the time if he is plugged into the electrics with his pain spasms he also has lost a lot of confidence and his back rules our day to day life, sometimes when I am in my selfish mode I think and sometimes say (shame on me)"My back's OK" Hope your husband soon finds the courage to resume his life keep your chin up I am sure it will all turn around for you soon ....
Merry Christmas

Sue

Re: I am my husbands carer

thanks Suey for your kind words, i too am really sorry to hear about your husbands back, i have heard of Spina bifada but not heard of someone being told they have it at the age of 47, it must be really hard for you both.
lets hope things turn around for both of us xx
Karen

Re: I am my husbands carer

What I've often been surprised at is that when you talk to people enough times that the conversations turns to illnesses, many seemingly normal happy people are actually bearing some heavy crosses. Lots of people have suffered operations, their partners need looking after, dire family crises and all sorts of awful things have happened to them but you'd never have guessed it. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that, given time, we can cope (or come to terms) with almost anything and still raise a smile. I know some people have things so bad this may not be possible but I think this is generally true.

I (we) hardly ever dwell on our medical conditions. They were pretty traumatic when they first occurred and we live with the aftermath. However, although life can't be the same, the troubles have been around for so long that they are pretty much come to terms with. We are smiley people despite the problems.

I know lots of people who seem to be the same, or even worse. I'm sure they have their 'down' moments but the indomitable human spirit still shines through despite their pain and difficulties. As I say, I'm always surprised this is possible.

My sympathies to go out to anyone where an illness/operation has meant the end of a way of life. I can only say that such tragedies aren't necessarily the end of happiness. There are perhaps a number of things that can't be done any more, but where medical conditions settle down and become the norm, it is still possible to enjoy life.