Re: I've had my chest x-ray

Oh my lovely Dreamy!
I understand your plight, but please stay positive.
Life is shit for you, and all this is so unfair.

Re: I've had my chest x-ray

Ffosse, Let me tell you that nearly all cancer patients go through a period of hating being at the hospital... even those who are eventually cured.
It is a place that reminds you of your illness, so you hate being there, but it is also a place that can make you feel better for longer.
Try to do things that make you feel happier.

Re: I've had my chest x-ray

Ffosse ..you're sick to the back teeth of hospitals and I don't blame you getting hit with so many appointments. It's bound to drag you down. Try and switch off from that .. stick it in a compartment at the back of your mind and lock the door on it. Treat yourself today to something that is a little wickedly indulgent and what you like doing.

Wow .. as I type this a gust of wind has just swirled all the snow into a misty white cloud in the garden, very pretty and hypnotic. There's a black bird foraging at the food table looks quite comical , he's so surprised.
Hope you're snug and warm.

Re: I've had my chest x-ray

I'm very snug and warm. My G.P. visited me at home with some more effective pain medication and we had quite a thorough talk about everything that has been going on. I've known her for 8 years and she is very pragmatic and caring.

She said that tomorrow - at my bone marrow procedure I should ask for the ECG too, she doesn't see the need in another appointment, either.

We also talked over long term plans, ie. hospice care should it get that far, and what I wanted, and whom I wanted informed should things get worse. She was very reassuring, and it was good for her to take the time on what was her day off to see me. I feel revitalised - I've simply got some more appointments to go through before the chemo starts anew - once that's started, fortnightly, I think there won't be any more appointments except for regular scans.

It was the first time I felt properly listened to and she has put my mind at rest for now.

Re: I've had my chest x-ray

A good understanding and reassuring G.P certainly helps you keep your own sense of inner balance. You don't need unnecessary hassle. She sounds a nice lady, someone who understands that you need to know your options, will honour your wishes and is in your corner batting for you whilst you're on this roller-coaster ride.

Re: I've had my chest x-ray

It was bottles (2) of Morphine sulphate she brought me - 5ml to be taken in a dose. I take it that this is the same as Oramorph or slightly stronger.

Re: I've had my chest x-ray

Yes, I'm very lucky as she really is a good doctor. She's also arranged with the pharmacist that my Friday pick-up of medicines can be delivered to me if I'm too ill to go out.

Re: I've had my chest x-ray

So I'm feeling a lot better - my biggest concern is getting to tomorrow's appointment. Luckily, it doesn't start until 11 but I'm worried about falling going up to the bus-stop so I think I'll be getting a taxi there and see how I am on the bus back. This morning was slightly scary because as well as the pain I felt, I didn't feel too good on my feet until I'd had my meds and a cup of coffee (speaking of which, I've been eating rubbish food today).

After tomorrow, I don't have an appointment until Monday which should give me time to recharge then my chemo begins again on Tuesday. I'm not 100% sure of the timetable of the chemo but think it's every 2 weeks, at least it was last time, then I have an appointment with their mental services which I could really forego but will probably attend. Chemo didn't faze me last time; I enjoyed not having to shave for a couple of weeks at a time and I know I won't be on one drug which stung particularly badly each time. As long as I don't eat during or around chemo time I won't be sick.

Suddenly things don't seem so bad, I have time. If only I could restructure the present into something more meaningful. I was miserable last night which caused pain, or it could have been the end of the steroids or catching a slight chill from the baltic weather, but I now have more medication options (I'm guilty of taking less than I need at times), but won't make that mistake again so should sleep well tonight.

Re: I've had my chest x-ray

I apologize for being late in getting caught up with this thread, Ffosse, but I have to say that you have my sincere respect for how you are handling your diagnosis. I hope we can help you in some regard.

The last time I read a post from you, you were having a lovely day - and so now you just have to get down to the business of treatment so you can have even more of those.

In the US, a GP visit is all but unheard of, and it sounds like you have a tremendous advocate in your corner. She has already put a battle plan in place. Trust her, and when you can, leave the worrying to the professionals so you can, as you said, focus on living.

There is no question that you will have a rough patch ahead, but your doctors wouldn't be prescribing this plan of action if they didn't think it would give you some quality of life ahead. Make lists of things you are looking forward to once the chemo is over and do them. It's a great time to enlist your friends to make these things happen if you need to.

I also really appreciate the way in which you are savoring the little moments in life. Forcing myself to find the joy in each moment in the depths of my daughter's disease ultimately became a habit...which in turn became a lifestyle. You are well on your way in doing this just by enjoying the first moments of the day. You keep right on doing that.

Just take it, literally, a step at a time and you'll be ok.

Let us know how we can help you on this end .

Re: I've had my chest x-ray

Many thanks, Surfermom - your posts are always helpful to me.

I think part of the problem with me is relinquishing control - I'm very independent minded and do resent the interruptions to my life on a grand scale even though I know that they are for my own good.

Feeling positive today - I couldn't quite believe my G.P. would walk through a snowstorm yesterday to my house bringing medicine and such good cheer. I'm very lucky in a lot of ways.

Yes, I try and find good in the smallest thing today it was again simply lying in the dark, firing up my vaper and anticipating the coffee I was going to make. These small joys are not always easy or apparent in some of the more negative posts I've made. Everything will work out fine, though, this I believe.

As I write this, it has turned light outside - still a frozen Narnia but beautiful in its own way.