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Pffft! Our days were going pretty wonderful as it was, thanks, without your sparkly wit and humour Anyway, how's your arm doing. Able to lift the kettle I assume? Good, milk and no sugar thanks.

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Tea? Who said anything about tea?

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Hey Tubby! Where have you been? Browsing the supermarket shelves for weird marmite concoctions, I presume? Your stomach must be like iron if you can stomach that stuff! Anyway, yep, Judders is getting the kettle on once he comes back with the milk.

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Did he tell you he was 'getting the kettle on'? I think that's a - oh what's the word - a meta - euph- argh

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A lie, Tubby. Its simply a lie. I knew fine well he was kidding on when he got his jacket on to go to the shop. Its ok, though, because I have a secret stash of milk and biscuits down there in the corner. But shush, don't tell.

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I'll keep quiet for some custard creams

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My arm is okay as is the rest of me.

I don't do kettles lifted or otherwise. I just push a button on my One-Cup gadget for tea, and another button on my bean to cup machine. Furthermore, I don't take milk or sugar either so that's you going dry for another day. No doubt the Northants troublemaker will be in shortly, so you can get her to make you one.

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Speak of the devil, the Northants Pest has just come online. Hope she's got a kettle with her.

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Crikey, I have no words.....hot water? UGH!

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Is that a euphemism?