Goodness me!

I thought you'd been proper poorly?
Sounds to me like Someone Else could've done this hard physical work for you??

The green bin men are coming tomorrow, so l decided to take the Christmas tree down and put it outside for collection
I took the decorations and lights off and opened the French doors to drag it out that way instead of going through the house.
As l pulled the huge tree out through the doors, l heard a thud. My heart dropped as l investigated and found my Whistling Boy statue had lost his head! He’d fallen against the stand of the television. Luckily, l have some ‘No More Nails’ and my daughter stuck it back on!

I looked on the Refuse site to check the green bin men still took whole Christmas trees. It’s a good job l did, as the mean rotters ask you to cut your tree up and put it in the green bins!
I dragged the tree to the gate where my bins were all ready to go and l proceeded to cut my tree up to put in the bins!

It was dark and l hacked away at the tree whilst I used the light of the passing car’s headlights to aim the cutters. I didn’t care if l looked like a nutter, l just wanted the tree gone!
Then, I couldn’t get the bin lid to shut on the thickest length of trunk so l hope they will still take it.
Please don’t them be jobsworth on this occasion!!

Just had a sly word and given them your address, and to look carefully at the BIn lid

So art, your Christmas tree is a Woolworths one.....no branches!

Ha! Primus. Reading back through what l had written, l thought that they sounded a bit alienish but l couldn’t think of any other description!