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MargaretF
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MargaretF is offline
Northamptonshire, UK
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 410
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30-07-2019, 09:53 AM
41

Re: Should we forgive

I think forgiving someone depends upon what they did and whether they are sorry for what they did. My ex brother in law did immense psychological damage to my late sister and attempted to do the same to my mother and I will never, ever, forgive him for that. Luckily I don't have to see him except once every now and then at gatherings given by my niece or nephew - I am civil to him for their sake but won't engage in conversation with him except for acknowledging his presence.

I don't feel bad about not forgiving him and give him very little thought between the few times I have to be in his company. I think it upsets him more than it does me because at times he has attempted to get me into conversation and I simply shut him down.
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Baz46
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Baz46 is offline
Somewhere rural 'out in the sticks', UK
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,916
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30-07-2019, 10:00 AM
42

Re: Should we forgive

Originally Posted by Lion Queen ->
Ok Baz thanks for this. I m not quite sure if you are trying to say I should allow the person back into my life who caused me a huge amount of distress. However, I never will, my life if much more peaceful and I m not prepared to let that person damage my health anymore, if I don't see them or hear from them anymore I can't be given any rubbish. X
That's OK no problem. No, I am definitely not saying let that person back into your life if you don't wish to. In your case the person who caused you that distress is too much of a risk for you to allow them back into your life to possibly do it again. That is how you are dealing with that, I would and have, done the same.

The problem might be that the hurtful emotions of whatever it was can remain, even getting that individual out of a person's life may not dispel those emotions which could affect your life if you were angry or became bitter as a result.

I know someone who was really badly treated and the family too. However, that person can actually still find whatever it is, and I admire them for whatever that is, to deal with the transgressor, but in a very different way. We all have so many different agendas that it's not possible for us to find a common answer to any of this. To find a way though where we are able to function without anything that may have happened in the past affecting our present lives must I reckon be the best way.

I was never taught forgiveness, just the opposite, but having been both sides of a particular problem I can only say as I have found by my own personal experience but any experience is very personal so will be different for all of us.
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The Artful Todger
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The Artful Todger is offline
Suffolk UK
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 12,816
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30-07-2019, 10:10 AM
43

Re: Should we forgive

Originally Posted by Bratti ->
Yes and it shows.
You’re a bitter man. 🤭😬

Lol 😝
Not bitter, just very focused.
 
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