Join for free
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
deylon
Fondly Remembered
deylon is offline
Harrow,England
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,835
deylon is female  deylon has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
07-11-2017, 08:00 PM
1

SYmpathy

I have two friends with health problems, and ring me to tell me about their problem.Every evening one friend rings me and goes through all she has had to do , she has a bowel condition & carries out irregation ,sometimes 3/4 times a day, she is considering having a coloscomy bag, and is terrified.Im finding it very hard to listen to her for an hour every day,Im not feeling well myself, yet I cannot bring myself to cut her off and say anything, she does ask how I am then goes straight to what she has had to do that day
Eliza's Avatar
Eliza
Chatterbox
Eliza is offline
England
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 5,418
Eliza is female  Eliza has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
07-11-2017, 08:30 PM
2

Re: SYmpathy

If its every evening i would be tempted to take the phone off the hook or ignore , depends on if you want them to listen to you , it can work both ways .
Puddle Duck's Avatar
Puddle Duck
Senior Member
Puddle Duck is offline
Cheshire. UK
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 4,600
Puddle Duck is female  Puddle Duck has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
07-11-2017, 09:54 PM
3

Re: SYmpathy

So difficult. Maybe you could reverse the habit. Phone your friend and tell them all about your day. Don't ask how they are until you are ready to say goodbye, then follow up quickly by.. must go the dinner is burning/ or going out, or my mobile phone is ringing. etc.

It sounds cruel if you are not of that nature, but sometimes we have to put our own interests and well being at the heart of things too.

Good luck .
Mups's Avatar
Mups
Chatterbox
Mups is offline
Northamptonshire
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 46,083
Mups is female  Mups has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
07-11-2017, 11:11 PM
4

Re: SYmpathy

Originally Posted by deylon ->
I have two friends with health problems, and ring me to tell me about their problem.Every evening one friend rings me and goes through all she has had to do , she has a bowel condition & carries out irregation ,sometimes 3/4 times a day, she is considering having a coloscomy bag, and is terrified.Im finding it very hard to listen to her for an hour every day,Im not feeling well myself, yet I cannot bring myself to cut her off and say anything, she does ask how I am then goes straight to what she has had to do that day


Well I am sorry deylon, but I think your friend is being rather selfish.
I am not an uncaring person at all, but to unload at length onto someone every single day for an hour, is totally inconsiderate.

I think I would have to say something if it were me.
No need to be callous, but I might say something like "Sorry . . . but something on the hob is boiling over", or "Gotta go, I need the loo", or "Sorry, but I don't feel too good myself tonight", and so on.
I would be too busy to gas for that long every day anyway, so that would be another thing to honestly say - "sorry, but I have go loads to do and I really must get on."

If you keep putting up with it, it will keep happening.
Julie1962
Chatterbox
Julie1962 is offline
Surrey
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 42,846
Julie1962 is female  Julie1962 has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
08-11-2017, 10:04 AM
5

Re: SYmpathy

I think that's selfish too, luckily our intake of chemo patients have all made friends with each other and chat on line when we need it. Each get out what's wrong and half a dozen will write back tell me about it. Works for us.

I think I'd be out a few times then ring them when convenient to me and leap in quickly with my problems for five minutes then pause to let them reciprocate.

It could just be they are in a rut and expect to offload on you, you need to shake them out of that rut to listen to you.

I'd also encourage some happy chat and avoid all ailments some days too, it must be depressing to always talk about illnesses.
Adanac's Avatar
Adanac
Senior Member
Adanac is offline
canada
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 976
Adanac is female  Adanac has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
08-11-2017, 11:51 AM
6

Re: SYmpathy

I try to listen to people like this, their problems are worse than mine and one day the situation could be reversed.

Get a cordless phone and tuck it under your ear at times and do something else such as sweeping, folding laundry, while listening.

And suggest a support group.
shirley's Avatar
shirley
Senior Member
shirley is offline
Gloucestershire
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,747
shirley is female  shirley has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
08-11-2017, 12:19 PM
7

Re: SYmpathy

Deylon it sounds like they have got into a habit of calling you because you will listen.

I know it sounds harsh but you will have to put a stop to it. But that is easier said than done, I suppose if you don't answer the phone they will keep ringing until you do answer it.

Good luck with that one.
Meg's Avatar
Meg
Supervisor
Meg is offline
Worcestershire
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 42,850
Meg is female  Meg has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
08-11-2017, 01:45 PM
8

Re: SYmpathy

she does ask how I am then goes straight to what she has had to do that day
Deylon I am aware you are not well yourself. When your friend asks how you are next time try saying you are not feeling too well and would she mind if you asked her to ring another time when you feel better.
Ffosse's Avatar
Ffosse
Chatterbox
Ffosse is offline
Edinburgh
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 6,043
Ffosse is male  Ffosse has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
08-11-2017, 01:58 PM
9

Re: SYmpathy

I'm with all of the above on this - you need to put yourself first in this case.
carol's Avatar
carol
Chatterbox
carol is offline
Derbyshire.
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 11,869
carol is female  carol has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
08-11-2017, 09:17 PM
10

Re: SYmpathy

Turn the phone off one night Deylon. Then when she rings the next night and mentions it, just tell her you were having a lie down because you didn't feel too well.

Then the next night when you answer tell her Oh it's lovely to hear from you but I can't talk for long because it makes me so exhausted.

Carry on like this for a few days and then have another night where you're 'lying down'

I think if you do this she will get the message. You've got to think of yourself before others.

Personally if it were me I'd have none of this pussyfooting. I'd come straight out and tell her all this talk of illness and medical procedures was depressing and was upsetting you.

Well it's the truth isn't it?
 
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >

Thread Tools


© Copyright 2009, Over50sForum   Contact Us | Over 50s Forum! | Archive | Privacy Statement | Terms of Use | Top

Powered by vBulletin Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.