03-02-2014, 09:12 AM
1
Monday funnies
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband!------------------------------------
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.
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Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.
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A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
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In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mum's.
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Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
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Police stop a Pakistani in his transit on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?" The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that - 3 of you have got to get out!"
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Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them. "B*ll*ks to that" said Paddy
"That's the last time I go lion dancing"
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