22-10-2019, 05:10 PM
1001
Re: Let's have a laugh
Originally Posted by Richmond
->
On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised. While the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, “Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!”The driver didn’t think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.
Later, that very same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, “Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!”
This time, he knew it had to be taken care of soon. A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them to see if they had any knowledge of what was going on.
He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor underneath the seats and stooped down to question him. “Excuse me, sir, could I help you?”
The elderly man looked up and said, “Well, sonny, you sure can. I’ve lost my toupee and I’m trying to find it. I thought I’d located it twice, but they were both parted in the middle, and mine’s parted on the side!”
Nicked!
22-10-2019, 06:23 PM
1002
Re: Let's have a laugh
Originally Posted by Richmond
->
On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised. While the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, “Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!”The driver didn’t think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.
Later, that very same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, “Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!”
This time, he knew it had to be taken care of soon. A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them to see if they had any knowledge of what was going on.
He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor underneath the seats and stooped down to question him. “Excuse me, sir, could I help you?”
The elderly man looked up and said, “Well, sonny, you sure can. I’ve lost my toupee and I’m trying to find it. I thought I’d located it twice, but they were both parted in the middle, and mine’s parted on the side!”
I think I have been on that trip.
24-10-2019, 09:43 AM
1008
Re: Let's have a laugh
Bleeding heart do-gooder woman being interviewed on television news:"I think it's absolutely terrible that so many poor refugees are being killed trying to cross the English Channel. They are just looking for a better life so that they can then bring their wives and children over here to join them. Someone should do something about this appalling situation."
Interviewer:
"So what do you suggest we do?"
BHDGW:
"Well, I think we should immediately increase the number of Border Force ships without delay."
25-10-2019, 07:51 AM
1009
Re: Let's have a laugh
Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs.The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine
early each morning.
As always, Snow White stayed home doing her
domestic chores.
As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their
lunch and carry it to the mine.
One day as she arrived at the mine with their lunch, she saw
that there had been a terrible cave-in.
Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White
began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had
somehow survived.
'Hello...Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me?
Hello!'
For a long while, there was no answer. Losing
hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello! Is
anyone down there?'
Just as she was about to give up all hope, she
heard a faint voice from deep within the mine,
singing;
"ENGLAND FOR THE WORLD CUP"
Snow White fell to her knees and prayed,
'Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive.
25-10-2019, 07:52 AM
1010
Re: Let's have a laugh
Life after death"do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"yes, sir," the new employee replied.
"well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "after you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother' s funeral, she stopped in to see you!"
palm sunday
it was palm sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what they were for. "people held them over jesus' head as he walked by."
"wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed, "the one sunday i don't go, he shows up!"
children's sermon
one easter sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "what's in here?" "i know!" a little boy exclaimed. "pantyhose !! "
support a family
the prospective father-in-law asked, "young man, can you support a family?"
the surprised groom-to-be replied, "well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."
first time ushers
a little boy in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed around the offering plates.
When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly, "don't pay for me daddy i'm under five."
prayers :
The sunday school teacher asked, "now, johnny, tell me, do you say prayers before eating?" "no sir," he replied, "we don't have to, my mom is a good cook!"
climb the walls
"oh, i sure am happy to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother's side. "now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."
the grandmother was curious. "what trick is that?" she asked.
"i heard him tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit," the little boy answered.
The water pistol
when my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol... He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.
I was not so pleased. I turned to mom and said, "i'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"
mom smiled and then replied..... "i remember!!"
grandma's age
little johnny asked his grandma how old she was.
Grandma answered, "39 and holding."
johnny thought for a moment, and then said, "and how old would you be if you let go?"
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