30-05-2014, 03:51 PM
31
Re: DIYers
Originally Posted by plantman
->
A power screwdriver is my choice (no, not the cocktail..
), as the prophet said if God created anything better he must have kept it for himself....
31-05-2014, 05:25 AM
32
Re: DIYers
This note I found describes my tools in the garage almost perfectly:DRILL:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching metal out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the garage, denting your car or the freshly-painted project which you had carefully stored in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit"
ANGLE GRINDER:
A portable cutting tool used to make metal too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VICE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC CAR JACK:
Used for lowering an car to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most people to cut good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the rubbish bin after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect and occasionally reshaping the roof of your car port.
PHILIPS HEAD SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Philips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
CROWBAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object you are trying to hit.
STANLEY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, magazines, tax refund cheques, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
BASTARD TOOL
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Bastard tool!" at the top of your lungs. Used in conjunction with any of the other tools and processes above. It is also, most often, the next tool that you need immediately afterwards.
01-06-2014, 10:49 AM
34
Re: DIYers
The Rule of Thumb: "all you need is a spanner and a hammer - if the spanner don't fit, use the hammer..."Good luck with your mission! I have around twelve different tool-kits, and still find jobs that need the very tool I haven't got. You can end up buying tools that only get used once or twice in a lifetime.
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