It wasn’t a bad day today so the wife and me took the dog out for a walk along the stretch of canal that runs along the back of our house, the little dog loves swimming in the canal (it’s all cleaned up now) and the only problem is getting him out of the water, but today the water was fairly cold and he didn’t stay in for long.

There used to be a few decent tramps that hung around the old Royal Canal when I was a kid back in the early 50’s, they’re all gone now, they all had nicknames, there was “Hammerneck”, who had a very long neck, Hairy Lemon, and “Johnny Forty Coats” “Skin the goat” and “Dirty Dick”
Now at night time the druggies take over so a walk along my stretch of the Canal at night is out.

I remember the time we jumped on an old disused barge only to find a sleeping tramp inside, we all thought he was dead at the time, there wasn’t a move out of him, two large rats were lurking around him, we scattered the rats and when one lad poked the mans leg with a stick he suddenly sprang up and told us all to f..k off and let him sleep, he didn’t have to tell us twice.
Something like this chap here, this fella was probably one of the last originals who survived into the 60’s/70’s, I remember this lad, he used to sleep in one of the old train carriages that lay on the track, the track ran parallel to the canal, most of these fellas had dogs too. I must say that none of these dropouts were ever violent, although some of the coppers gave them a hard time, constantly running them in whenever something serious happened in the area, the usual suspects thing.

The Rising of Hairy Lemon.

Out for a walk on a fine summer’s morn, without a worry or care
Three boys took the canal path, with a bag of sweets to share
An old wreaked barge tied up to a pole, seemed to invite us in
So we all climbed aboard wondering, was an adventure about to begin?
“Look at this lads!” yelled young Tom Farrell “There’s a dead man in here!”
“Look at him yerself” says I, “If he’s dead I won’t go near”
‘Someone will have to get the cops” said Farrell, “And we better make it quick”
Then Kelly broke a branch of bramble, and prodded the body with the stick
Not a stir from the corpse, so Kelly had a closer peep
Up sprung the man and he let out a roar, “Go home ye brats, and let me sleep!”
Down the canal path ran three scared kids, thinking home they’d never get
Oh that day long ago, when Hairy Lemon scared us stiff, and my pants were soaking wet.

That Theo, he must have been very popular when they paid him such a lovely tribute Sweetie.

When I went out to do some work in the shed today I got a surprise, when I sat down on my stool (not a milking stool, this one has four legs Spitty) there staring me in the face was a big spider, they say these creatures only live for a year or so but i’m sure this is the same lad I saw two years back, his body alone is the size of an old sixpence, and he’s a cheeky bugger too, he just stands in front of you and stares at you. I would never harm these ugly creatures, so I let him take his time to wander off as he pleased before I started working.
I might add that during the warm weather not a single fly will enter the shed, even when the door and windows are wide open, they must be wise to this fella and his family, and God knows theres nothing as bad a flies buzzing around when your trying to concentrate.

Whenever I’m asked to sing at a sing-song/wedding/party, and I’m not in the humour, I always start off with,
“I know an old lady why swallowed a fly, I don’t know why she swallowed the fly, perhaps she’ll die…”
I barley have the first words out when I’m told to shut the f…k up. It drives them all mad.