07-04-2018, 07:26 PM
1
friends stuck in the middle (long post)
I am friends with 2 friends who seem to have issues with each other and none of them will talk about it with each other and I'm stuck in the middle of them both as they both talk about each other to me and I hate it. These two 'friends' were friends with each other then I met one of them at work. I was then introduced to her friend so we all became friends together and we often go out together but if one doesn't hear from the other for a certain length of time one will say to me, I've not heard anything from her then the other says the same to me about the other and I'm thinking why are you waiting for the other to ring, if you want to talk then just pick the phone up and talk!!!!! The other day friend one and I had a bit of a falling out over something so trivial you wouldn't believe, she got really funny with me sending me snotty messages. I didn't get funny back telling her in my last message that I wasn't getting into a spat and if she wanted to meet up on Saturday to talk it through, that way I was leaving the ball in her court. Anyway she did contact me today to ask if I would meet her which I was glad about. I wanted to sort it out so I went to meet her to talk it through, which we did but now the other friend is falling out with me because I didn't want her to come along to the meet up. I explained I needed to speak to friend one alone without friend two there because the argument was between me and friend one and I wanted to see if we could clear the air. Its absolutely pathetic and school playground stuff and I really don't need this drama but I care about them both. I told friend one today about me being stuck in the middle and how I'm fed up of it I told her you two either need to talk and sort it or don't be friends at all. It has happened a few times with these two and I honestly don't understand why they are friends with each other when I think about it. I don't want one of them slagging the other off to me trying to draw me into their childish behaviour. I don't want to fall out with either of them but they make it so hard because they won't talk to each other about the issues they have with each other. I know it sounds so childish, for goodness sakes these are grown adults acting like spoilt kids and I don't know what to do. My husband says I should forget the pair of them but they mean a lot to me and I just want them to stop putting me in the middle. I do know they both care a lot for me too so why do they keep doing this and causing stress!!What would you do in this situation?
07-04-2018, 07:33 PM
2
Re: friends stuck in the middle (long post)
I had a similar issue with some of my friends a few years ago, like you it bothered me a lot. In the end I asked them to come to mine for coffee, I then told the both of them that I hated what they were doing to me, I told them I refused to take sides and would not talk about it with any of them again. I suggested they stop being daft, and talk it over now and put things to right. I then grabbed my jacket went out and left them to it. When I returned a while later it was all done and dusted, they were laughing away as if nothing had happened.If it doesn't work then I'd be telling them bye bye, your fed up with their nonsense.
07-04-2018, 07:36 PM
3
Re: friends stuck in the middle (long post)
Lion Queen, your husband could be right when he tells you to forget them. It is what I would do and have done myself when friends like this cause you too much stress.Obviously both women need a sounding board and probably have no idea that the other is yapping continuously also telling you things they do not want to say to the others face.
You have talked to them about it before and it continues.....kick both of them to the curb. You will be a lot happier. Trust me.
08-04-2018, 08:59 AM
6
Re: friends stuck in the middle (long post)
I would tell them that they are both my friends and I am not prepared to discuss their differences. Tell them that you will not make a choice between them so your option is to maintain the friendship with both, but not listen to either of their complaints about each other.It sounds like they are too stupid to sort their own differences and both trying to win your friendship, thereby taking it from the other.
If you abandon both of them, it won't take long before they get back together and they treat you like the bad one. If all they want to do is criticize each other, to gain your support, all you need to do is say " I don't want to discuss this, as you are both my friends and it would be unfair"
08-04-2018, 10:38 AM
9
Re: friends stuck in the middle (long post)
Sometimes it's easier not to have close friends, but unlike family at least you can choose them! The problem with 'leaving them to it' without saying anything is that until they understand that 'you're really not interested', you might continue getting emotional earache from them .... on that basis would concur that they probably do need to be told straight ....
|
|
