19-09-2020, 01:59 PM
31
Re: condolences
Originally Posted by Mups
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If you don't mind me saying, that's a bit harsh Art. I don't think Paula, or anyone else, has thought of themselves as ' I am so good.'
Most people have said in a split second it was just a natural reflex, nothing to do with anyone feeling 'oh so good.'
As Twink just mentioned, if someone nearby was falling down, would you honestly just stand back and watch? Wouldn't your instinct be to grab them?
Mups, l was speaking generally not specifically about Paula at all.
Just because not everyone is a hugger doesn’t mean they have no compassion or empathy.
I am the most caring person you could meet but l don’t have to squeeze the daylights out of someone to show that l care.
I do it by action, good deeds and l will be there for them at all times, not on that one occasion.
19-09-2020, 02:00 PM
32
Re: condolences
Originally Posted by Morticia
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Sounds like you're moaning about people in general now and not specifically to do with covid. It's just instinct for some .. to give a hug. Or to ask for a hug come to that. You might not be, but others do.
Now ... if you'd been griping about those immigrants pulling up in dinghys on Kent beaches and wandering to roam in the village streets I'd have moaned with you.
Now that really is thoughtless, inconsiderate and selfish.
Hi Morti, Art did admit earlier than she is not the hugging type, so I guess that would exlain her feelings over this bereaved gentleman.
19-09-2020, 02:04 PM
33
Re: condolences
So I see ...... though god knows how it seems to have turned into a one-upmanship thread.
Originally Posted by Artangel
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I do it by action, good deeds and l will be there for them at all times, not on that one occasion.
19-09-2020, 02:06 PM
34
Re: condolences
Originally Posted by Mups
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I don't think like that Art.I hug doesn't mean a lifelong care commitment, it was just what the old chap needed at that moment.
Of course washing up, getting his shopping and chatting are more practical help, agreed, but would not have had the same instantaneous effect as the physical hug would have done when he obviously needed it.
Do you ask them first or do you home in on them and spread your germs on them without their permission?
Just because you want to give a hug to feel good about yourself doesn’t mean the recipient welcomes it!
19-09-2020, 02:12 PM
37
Re: condolences
Originally Posted by Artangel
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Mups, l was speaking generally not specifically about Paula at all. Just because not everyone is a hugger doesn’t mean they have no compassion or empathy.
I am the most caring person you could meet but l don’t have to squeeze the daylights out of someone to show that l care.
I do it by action, good deeds and l will be there for them at all times, not on that one occasion.
No, of course it doesn't, I agree. We can show we care in many ways, but that is not the same thing at all.
Doing 'by action and good deeds' as you call it, is showing you think of them are willing to help and no doubt it would be appreciated.
However, paid carers also do that. It is not an emotional thing.
If someone you had known for years was only recently bereaved, and they held their arms out to you in a moment of need, would you honestly duck out the way and walk past them?
There are times when all I need is a hug, and someone dumping a bag of Sainsbury's shopping on the table - although welcome - wouldn't have quite the same effect.
19-09-2020, 02:15 PM
38
Re: condolences
Originally Posted by Artangel
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Mups, How come you know that they want your hugs. Some people don’t want to be hugged.Do you ask them first or do you home in on them and spread your germs on them without their permission?
Just because you want to give a hug to feel good about yourself doesn’t mean the recipient welcomes it!
We are not talking about hugs in plural though. We are talking about one elderly man.
So when you ask "How do you know they want your hugs" is irrelevant.
And as far as how would I know, well are you forgetting this gentleman was the one to instigate it by holding his arms out? It certainly didn't sound as if he was leapt on and held against his will!
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