My last DR's visit I went to

Yes some time ago now i had to go to the DRs and the conversation went something like this

Dr " What do you want to see me about?"
Me "Dr I am constipated"
Dr " And tell me how long have you been like this?"
Me "about 2 weeks"
Dr " right better get this sorted then, take these very large tablets and put them up your back passage 3 times a day, morning, midday and evening for about 10 days then come back and see me"

Well I did what the DR said and and after 10 days went back to the Dr's

Dr " well those tablets should have sorted you out,did they"

Me " No Dr and now I can't open my back gate"

Re: My last DR's visit I went to

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."; Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Johnny replied, "Don't f##k with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

Re: My last DR's visit I went to

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

Re: My last DR's visit I went to

There were 3 Gnu's, Daddy Gnu, Mummy Gnu, and baby Gnu. Because of the virus outbreak they were getting short of food.
Daddy Gnu decided he had to go hunt for food so they could eat. After several hours he had not returned so Mummy Gnu said she would go and find him.

Several hours later Mummy Gnu didn't return either and poor Baby Gnu starved to death.

That is the end of the Gnus, and now for the weather forecast

Re: My last DR's visit I went to

Little Johnny in the class room kept yell out "HOW ABOUT THAT " . After seveal times being told to stop the teacher sent him out of the room. A bit later Johnny came back into the class room and said " Sorry Miss"

the teacher asked what he was doing while out in the corridor and he replied he had made a poem.
The teacher said ok stand infront of the class and say your poem.

So he stood infront of the class and said in a loud voice "As I was standing in the hall I saw a cockroach climb up the wall"

Very good said the teacher but can you make it a different animal as it is a bit norty.

"ok Miss, as I was standing in the hall I saw a roach climb up the wall, with its cock left out, HOW ABOUT THAT"

Re: My last DR's visit I went to

2 flies skating on a bald mans head. One fly says to the other " wow what a great skating rink you have found"
The other Fly says "yes it is now but a few years ago it was only a footpath"

Re: My last DR's visit I went to

Two ants running around a cornflakes packet, the little one in the rear very puffed out said'why are you running so fast', big one said 'can't you read, it says tear along dotted line'.