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23-01-2019, 11:27 PM
91

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by big ben ->
Murphy died and wanted to be buried at sea. Sean and Mick decided to carry out his last wish and took his ashes out in a boat. after they had gone about a hundred yards Sean said "Let,see if this is deep enough" and jumped over the side. The water came up to his knees. "No, we will have to go out further" Off they went. After a while Sean said "Wow, Let,s see how deep this is" The water came up to his neck. "No, not deep enough" he said., A few hundred yards later they hove to again and Sean jumped over the side and disappeared. After a few minutes he surfaced again. "This will do" he said "Pass me that shovel"
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24-01-2019, 10:05 PM
92

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Longdogs ->
Hilarious! Love it -- thanks for the laugh
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26-01-2019, 05:32 PM
93

Re: Let's have a laugh

QUEEN Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they’ll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, “Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity”.
The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, and drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, “ok, your Majesty, you may go in”.
Dolly is outraged and asked,”What was that all about, I show you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me”?
“Sorry, Dolly says the Angel, but even in Heaven A Royal Flush Beats a Pair No Matter How Big They Are”
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26-01-2019, 09:21 PM
94

Re: Let's have a laugh

Excellent - consider that one nicked.
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26-01-2019, 09:31 PM
95

Re: Let's have a laugh

A bloke had a central heating engineer round and while he was working away he said, "I see you’re a darts man, like myself."
The bloke asked how he worked that out and the engineer replied, "That photo on the fireplace of you and Jockey Wilson.”
The bloke replied, "That’s me and my wife mate."
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27-01-2019, 09:59 AM
96

Re: Let's have a laugh

Finding one of her pupils pulling faces at the girls in the playground, miss smith went over to him to have a word, “ you know”, said miss smith , “ when I was a little girl, and used to pull faces, my parents told me that my face would stay that way,” the little boy looked at her and said, “ well miss, you can’t say you weren’t warned”...
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27-01-2019, 11:12 PM
97

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Primus1 ->
Finding one of her pupils pulling faces at the girls in the playground, miss smith went over to him to have a word, “ you know”, said miss smith , “ when I was a little girl, and used to pull faces, my parents told me that my face would stay that way,” the little boy looked at her and said, “ well miss, you can’t say you weren’t warned”...
LOL!!! Poor teachers with smart-assed kids like this one!!!

Good one - thanks.
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27-01-2019, 11:14 PM
98

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Judd ->
A bloke had a central heating engineer round and while he was working away he said, "I see you’re a darts man, like myself."
The bloke asked how he worked that out and the engineer replied, "That photo on the fireplace of you and Jockey Wilson.”
The bloke replied, "That’s me and my wife mate."
Whoops!! LOL!
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27-01-2019, 11:15 PM
99

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Judd ->
Excellent - consider that one nicked.
Your are welcome - glad you enjoyed it!
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29-01-2019, 12:57 AM
100

Re: Let's have a laugh

One for the ladies perhaps. .


I think modern drugs are wonderful
Don't you?
After all, they enable a wife with pneumonia
To nurse her husband through man flu
 
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