Re: Should we expect loyalty

Wise words, Mups.

Re: Should we expect loyalty

The falling out was between two people only. I don't see why others should be made to take sides. If I fell out with my parents, I wouldn't expect my sister to side with me even if my parents were in the wrong.

Re: Should we expect loyalty

Arguments often happen in families, but I do think that we are all too ready to condemn but not to forgive!
Your friends son may have wanted to hear both sides of the argument, so I really think it is unwise for his mum to expect him not to visit his grandmother. He may be the link that will encourage them to forgive rather than this become a family feud.
I am sure that we all lose our tempers with loved ones at times but, if we break contact with them, the day will come when we see it as a stupid mistake. That is when pride kicks in and neither party is prepared to say sorry.
Tell you friend that he can love his mother and his grandma, at the same time, so why make him choose?

Re: Should we expect loyalty

I expect he loves them both and is trying to be a go between and prevent a permanent rift. He said his piece and told his grandmother she was wrong and should apologise, so he's taken a stance. She's obviously not going to and he's probably trying to smooth things over. It's awful for other family members when two of the family fall out, even if one of them is clearly in the wrong, you want to avoid a longlasting feud and split.
He has his own relationship with his grandmother, and it's separate to his relationship with his mother and I can understand him wanting to maintain it, even if he thinks she's not always a very nice person.
While it's hard on your friend I think she has to take a deep breath and think abouts what's best for her son, a bit like divorced couples and their children. Her relationship with her mother may well be over, but it doesn't mean her son's with his grandmother has to be. Time to be the bigger person.

Re: Should we expect loyalty

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If it was an argument my guess is they both said some unpleasant things...
I think he was unwise to get involved, he may not have been aware of the whole story.
It must have been difficult for him seeing two people he loved hurting each other though..
Obviously a history there then and old resentments surfacing ...
I think the son shows a strength of character doing that when he thought his grandmother was in the wrong. A good move on his part to keep contact and not let an even bigger family divide develop.

Life is too short for families to hold grudges. I once had a big argument with my sister who was the one who could do no wrong.
I was the one 'wronged' and didn't receive my entitlement but let it go .

I think your friend should try to be the bigger person and let it go, take a bunch of flowers and tell her Mother 'We both said things better not said, lets just put it behind us'

Re: Should we expect loyalty

family's and rows are always on the cards. in each case you have to do and say what you feel is right. if grandson was close it does seem unfair.

Re: Should we expect loyalty

Don't you think the Mother should apologise? My friend can never do any right in her Mothers eyes, by what I can gather it seems the Mother resents her daughter because she kept in contact with her Dad after they had split. She favours the two daughters from her current husband. This isn't the first time her Mother has been horrible to her, most times when she goes her Mother twists her words. I feel very sorry for my friend because she truly is a beautiful person with a heart of gold. It wasn't really an argument by what I can make out, it was something about the fact her Mother jumped to conclusions about something or other and didn't give my friend a chance to explain before viciously verbally attacking her, my friend had to leave the house and did so in tears, she was devastated by what her mother had said to her when she phoned me. Thank God I had a wonderful Mother who wouldn't have dreamed of saying half the stuff her Mum said and says, God rest her soul. Just because someone is a Mother it doesn't give them the right to be so viciously hurtful.

Re: Should we expect loyalty

LQ I never had a mother, mine died when I was a baby.
I would have loved to have had one.
When you get older it makes you realise how short our time here really is and that it is best not to waste what time we do have arguing with close family members.

Re: Should we expect loyalty

Wise words Meg .
At the end of the day we only have one mother and when she's gone she's gone. Sometimes they are difficult.
My own mother never apologised for anything even when in the wrong I wish we had been closer .
I never speak to my children without telling them I love them .
You never know when it will be the last time .

Re: Should we expect loyalty

I would hope the son is attempting to patch things up, so mum shouldn't be judgemental. Even if that's not the case..........it's probably not a good thing for mum to further involve her son, but just trust him to do the right thing.

Hope it all works out okay.