25-09-2015, 11:03 AM
1
A couple of funnies
Old Father O"Malley was strolling through the church grounds one sunny summer evening, when he came upon a little frog sitting by a tree. "My Lord," he said, picking it up: "You"re the saddest, most forlorn-looking frog I"ve ever seen. I only wish you could speak, so that you might tell me your troubles."The frog replied, "Actually, I can. You see, I was once a choirboy in this very parish. One day I offended a passing Gypsy, and she put a curse on me that turned me into a talking frog.""Incredible!" said Father O"Malley. "Is there anything I might do to help you?""Actually yes, there is. The Gypsy said that if I can find somebody to take me home and let me sleep in their bed, the curse will be lifted and I"ll be back to normal.""Well," said Father O"Malley, "the good Lord teaches us to be charitable. I think I can manage that."So Father O"Malley picked up the little frog and put it in his pocket. That night he placed it gently on the pillow beside him and drifted off into a long, dreamy sleep. When he awoke the next morning, the frog had turned back into a choirboy, just as it had said it would. And that, Your Honour, is the case for the defence...
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Are We In Wales?
A guy was driving down a motorway in England when his Blonde Essex girlfriend piped up,
"I think those people in the car next to us are from Wales".
"Why do you think that?" he said.
"Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says
"stit ruoy su wohs".
cheeky....................
So my blonde Essex wife, barefoot mind, was going to bed. She made up a hot water bottle, got a glass of water and picked up her book. She said goodnight, when I asked,
"You not taking your slippers up?" In reply, she nodded to the items she was carrying and said,
"Duh, I haven't got any hands free."
I swear to God I almost killed her there and then.
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I've written a book about a young girl who takes drugs and encounters all kinds of strange creatures talking in almost incomprehensible dialect. It ends up with her getting pregnant and becoming a single mother, living on a crappy housing estate and surviving off benefits.
It's called "Alice in Sunderland".
.................
For months a little boy had been pestering his dad to take him to the Zoo.
Eventually dad gives in and off they go. When they get back the boy's mother asks him if he had a good time.
"It was great," replies the boy." And daddy had fun too, especially when one of the animals came home at 50-1"
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05-10-2015, 04:05 PM
5
Re: A couple of funnies
Originally Posted by Sableline
->
Brilliant
Bet you liked number 4 best.
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