12-03-2010, 05:25 PM
11
Re: A serious subject, but this made me smile
Yes indeed, I remember one line which says that I have looked after my breasts all my life and then when you've had a screening you feel as if you have been run over with a steam roller. I am rather a large lady in the bosom area and me and the technician usually end up crying with laughter.
13-03-2010, 07:10 AM
12
Re: A serious subject, but this made me smile
Is this it?The Mammogram Poem
For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them. And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings, And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care, My gyno, Dr. Pruitt, Said I should get a Mammogram.
"O.K," I said, "let's do it."
"Stand up here real close" she said, (She got my boob in line,) "And tell me when it hurts," she said, "Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
She stepped upon a pedal, I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate came slamming down, My hooter's in a vice!
My skin was stretched and mangled, From underneath my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt, Within it's vice-like grip. A prisoner in this vicious thing, My poor defenseless tit!
"Take a deep breath" she said to me, Who does she think she's kidding?!? My chest is mashed in her machine, And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say, (The room was slowly swaying.) "Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down, It squeezed me from both sides. I'll bet SHE'S never had this done, To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this, I will request a blindfold. I have no wish to see again, My knockers getting steamrolled.
If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now. If there had been a cyst in there, It would have gone "ker-pow!"
This machine was created by a man, Of this, I have no doubt. I'd like to stick his balls in there, And see how THEY come out.
I'm not sure its the one I'm thinking of but it seems similar.
13-03-2010, 01:03 PM
13
Re: A serious subject, but this made me smile
Yep I think that is it Val, I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it. Between you and me I have to have two pictures taken of each mammory as I have large ones so I am there in misery for some time and as I say usually crying with pain and laughter thinking about this very poem.Thank you for finding it.
14-03-2010, 12:33 PM
15
Re: A serious subject, but this made me smile
We women complain about the MOT's like smear tests and screening but these procedures have probably saved a lot of lives. I hope they are becoming a little more aware of men's health too and that men are as brave as us ladies who have to suffer these tests with good will and a smile.
14-03-2010, 05:54 PM
16
Re: A serious subject, but this made me smile
I'm not making light of illness but funny (humorous) things do happen when in hospital. I had to have a cancerous kidney removed 25 years ago (it had to come out through my stomach) but despite the prospect of the operation, still managed to find a laugh on the night prior to it.The male nurse had to shave the private parts of the next days patients. The remarks from everyone were a hoot. Also, he had to insert a cannula (intravenous drip tube) into one patient's hand.
"Just a prick in the hand" he said.
Having just been shaved, what else could I say? "Well that's better than the other way round" says I.
We were all facing awful things but still managed to laugh.
On another occasion in hospital, I was facing a bladder neck incision. The day before the operation, the Consultant was making the rounds with his entourage.
"Any questions?" he asked me.
"Will I suffer from incontinence for a while?"
"No, you won't become impotent either" he said.
"I wasn't worried about that" I said.
To which he replied "I see, so you'd rather be impotent than incontinent".
Giggles all round.
I'd tripped over and broke my kneecap a short while before the kidney was removed. I had to keep working best I could because I was self-employed with a largish family to feed. With the leg just out of plaster, I was sitting at the workbench mending a television. The freshly un-plastered leg was propped up on a stool. It was at that time I received an electric shock from a component in the TV. As a reaction, my leg kicked up fast and I banged the broken knee on the underside of the bench (Oh Wow! the pain). I had to go and have it X-rayed again.
When I went to see the Consultant Urologist again he said, "What's all this about your leg then?" I told him and he said "Don't worry about your waterworks. I expect we can sort it out ..unless you electrocute yourself first".
He was a great bloke. Such a waste that he was killed in a car accident a couple of years later.
14-03-2010, 08:03 PM
17
Re: A serious subject, but this made me smile
Bless your heart Mart I do hope you are looking after yourself and that all your medical problems are now far behind you. I was a nurse for many years and will never get over how people manage to smile even when it seems there is nothing to smile at.
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