Re: What is your definition of love?

All these years I've still got ... not 'guilt', but I've wondered if it was strange in not feeling sorrow when my parents died - over 20 years now. I was once asked if I loved my parents, and I just replied that I regretted not having had a good relationship with them.

On the other hand, I felt real grief when my parents-in-law died. Maybe that's one difference between 'conditional' and 'true' love.

"They f**k you up your mum & dad,
they may not mean to but they do.
They give you all the faults they had
and add some extra just for you."

Philip Larkin.

Re: What is your definition of love?

That's true Grumblewagon - pity there is no practice run at it.

Re: What is your definition of love?

Hopefully our kids weren't screwed up by my husband and I. They are kind enough to tell us they had a good and enjoyable childhood, and the married ones are doing an excellent job of bringing up their children. We must have got something right.

Re: What is your definition of love?

Your pies are not all baked yet, so be careful what you boast about.

Re: What is your definition of love?

I will always remember my parents with affection and love.

I was saddened to learn that some members do not feel that way?
.
My one and only comment to this discussion.

Appreciate your parents.

You never know what sacrifices they went through for you.

MELBA MONTGOMERY
NO CHARGE 1998
.
http://tinyurl.com/cau8w8j
.

Re: What is your definition of love?

Good post George......
Michael - I loved my parents, but I have to ask why is it always the parents that are given such accolades - as if they can do no wrong, because they 'are' your parents....'Shes your Mother afterall, is what you hear' - what about the child ! They can be passed from one stranger to another - one school to another, abused, but keep quiet dont want to upset the Mother.... 'My' Mother - made no sacrifices for me, she just passed me on to others....

Re: What is your definition of love?

Couldn't agree more Michael, I too couldn't believe what they said about their parents, usually because they were not good children that they do this.
I got smacked and belted by my parents when a child, I used to moan when later in life I had to be in at certain times etc.
Why did they do it? because they loved me, they made me what I am which I believe to be loving and kind.
At 75 I can still weep for my parents, I miss them very much indeed.
Now this is love, my stepfather had to care for my mother when she had a stroke which made her lose her speech and the right side of her body when she was 76, my dad used to lift put on the commode and clean her up afterwards, he washed her and fed her with little help from my sister and myself at weekends {I live 120 miles away} one day I went to visit them and rather than knock the door I would look through the letterbox.
This particular day I looked through and there was my dad laying on his back underneath my mum with a bowl of water and towels washing her bottom etc.
I can't go on it is hard for me to tell you anymore, but that is true love.

Re: What is your definition of love?

Michael said - Appreciate your parents. You never know what sacrifices they went through for you.

Very true Michael. I would add that it is important parents don't make their children feel obligated by reminding them and/or expecting to be loved and respected in return for having them. The best thing we can do is work hard to equip them as best we can for their own future lives and then set them free - leaving the door open, just in case.

Re: What is your definition of love?

I had a pretty good childhood and will always be grateful to my parents for making me the person I am. I know I never showed them how much I loved and respected them when they were alive. I know I never told them how much I owe to them. Anything good and praiseworthy about me came from them. Anything not so good about me I am responsible for. From them I got my sense of fairness and justice, from them I learned that we don't just have to accept the way things are. From them I learned the value and dignity of hard work. Most of all I learned the gentle power of a father's love and the fierce protectiveness of a mother's. If people thought me even half the man my father was, it would be an amazing compliment.

I think we have to distinguish between the generic love we have for parents, children and family in general and the very specific love we experience for our individual life partners. I had been in love many times in my life, but the day I met Terry, my wife, all that changed. It was literally love at first sight for both of us. Twenty years on, despite Terry's disability and my rapid ageing, we are still as much "in love" as we have ever been. Every single day is a delight because it is a day shared with each other. Even our most agitated arguments end with a laugh and a cuddle as we realise we can't stay angry with each other for any length of time. I would do anything - even die - for her, and she would do the same for me. That is what I call love!

Re: What is your definition of love?

Think the problem is some parents don't sacrifice though and if their selfishness extends into drink and drug taking or abuse of their children it's hard to still love them, I only came to love mine in later life as I realised they were flawed human beings who had no concept of love themselves which meant they could not show love to us girls as we grew.

Always puzzled me why my mum was like that as her mother stepped up to parent us and she was so full of love it brimmed over to any waif or stray that needed her help. So she must have seen and experienced love as a child.