Family secrets and lies..

There was an interesting item on the radio this morning about family secrets .

We are lucky to live in enlightened times when pregnancy 'out of wedlock' is not seen to be anything out of the ordinary.

On the programme some people explained how they grew up believing one member of their family to be a parent when it was another person entirely. They only discovered the truth as adults. Apparently some family doctors colluded in this deception even helping to provide corroborative papers.

I know this happened to a school friend of mine who had a little boy. He grew up believed his grandmother to be his his mother when his real mother was the person he thought was his sister.

Many years after my father married my stepmother she had a visitor, a middle aged man. I knew my SM had one sister and a brother. Apparently she had another sister who was classed as being 'a bit simple' as they used to say. The girl became pregnant when in her teens so her father committed her to an asylum for the insane where she had her baby and spent her entire life until she died in her 70s.
What a cruel way to treat a daughter and a dreadful way to spend your life..

Re: Family secrets and lies..

Collusion amongst families was the norm then I suppose ... they closed ranks because of the 'shame' of a pregnancy out of wedlock ... not to mention a defence mechanism against interfering social welfare.
In the most general terms I agree with them ... birthright and family roots are important.

As to been 'a bit simple' ... yes, that was flamin cruel. Thank god we're more supportive now and try to be more accepting of peeps less fortunate than ourselves.
It reminds me of of my own G-G-grandfather. I really couldn't believe when I was doing family research and on an 1861 Census Return found written beside his name (he'd be 16 years old at the time) ... imbecile.
Of course. it explains a lot
this is why you all have to make allowances for me

Re: Family secrets and lies..

You just might discover if you dig too deeply, that your father could be any one of a 15 man rugby team

Arfa

Re: Family secrets and lies..

It is lucky for us nowadays to live in enlightened times..like you Meg, I knew of a girl at school who got pregnant and was sent away. We never saw her again either Some said the baby was her fathers
It must be an awful discovery to find out that 'mum' is in fact 'grandma' ... an old work colleague discovered that his aunty was in fact his mother ... she had got pregnant while working in London and had given the baby to her sister who lived in Wales. He only found out the truth when his 'mum' died. He was quite bitter about it and would have nothing to do with his real mum. He forbade her to go to the funeral too!

Re: Family secrets and lies..

These things that people do to each other are dreadful. My mother left my Father before she realised I was on the way.She went to her Grandfahter and he arranged for me to be put into a private foster home ,i was there till I was two. My Fathjers eldest brother found out and took me to live with him. I was 9 when my Mother remarried. My mother and I never got on, she saw my father every time she looked at me. When I was 69 my stepfather rang me about a couple who were looking for me. I met them and he was my Half brother.Non of the Flannery's knew about me they lived in the same town, my cousins k didnt know I was realated to them and neither did I. I waited until my father died thinking he would come to see me, he didnt.Thats who I am, i am married to a man who cares only for himself,my children, and their children dont really give a toss. I trust no-one and dont let people get near, people like to hurt people. Just thought i would say that.I am what the Flannery's and the williams did to me.I am very bitter.

Re: Family secrets and lies..

Hey Annie ... I won't say don't be bitter.
Boy have I been there myself. But in the end all it did was drag me down. Make me miserable. Even made me feel ill. It was like carrying extra baggage. I had to let it go so I could be me ... me how I wanted me to be. Hope that doesn't sound daft.

I trust few people though meself .. it doesn't always pay to let the walls down. We all have barricades to a greater or lesser degree.
You can tell me I'm talking through my rump .. I won't be offended .. it won't get through the horny hide I wear now.

Re: Family secrets and lies..

The thread made me write that,my Uncle Paddy was there for me, I was lucky.

Re: Family secrets and lies..

If you go back far enough, young girls were locked up in asylums because they committed the mortal sin of getting pregnant. Their babies were removed immediately after they were born and the mothers put into secure places and labelled 'fallen women'. Thank gawd we've moved on. We now live in a much more tolerant world where babies born out of wedlock is the norm and if it happens within our families, we provide support and help instead of turning our backs on them.

I think it must be very difficult to grow to adulthood and then learn that your sister is your mother and your mother is your gran.............how do you get your head around that sort of thing?