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Willow
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UK
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15-03-2013, 07:59 PM
11

Re: Caring fror your alzheimers partner

My husband's brother, who is 80 this year and much older than him, has dementia and some physical problems. It is very hard on his poor wife, who isn't in the best of health herself. She insists on looking after him without help but I know their children are very concerned about this state of affairs, and think he will have to go into a care home before long. They don't think their mother will cope with him for much longer.

As I have mentioned before my husband is brain damaged after an aneurysm burst in 2006. This is hard, but he doesn't have dementia. I don't think I could cope with that.
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Jem
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15-03-2013, 08:31 PM
12

Re: Caring fror your alzheimers partner

My Father had the same task with my Mother, and it is a very tough task, eventually it was too much for him at his age so we all decided the best thing to do was have our Mother taken care of professionally in a good hospital, she was really out of it by then and died a month later. Like you say it is a tough one and I'm sure I would do the same as your friend and my Dad, but in the end I think I would have to get the professionals in, it's a very sad state of affairs and it can happen to anyone.
mindbender
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Broome, western australia
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15-03-2013, 10:28 PM
13

Re: Caring fror your alzheimers partner

my mate and his wife live in a high rise flat - once they are locked in she is safe but before he put in more stringent safe guards she did leave the flat on two occasions and disappeared for 12 hrs at a stretch which involved the police scouring the countryside - she was an excellent and strong walker but looked quiet disheveled on her return by the police. he now takes greater precautions.

the amazing thing is when the weather is less inclement and he takes her for a walk around the common she stays with him throughout and returns with him to the flat even though at times she doesn't seem to recognize him.

he himself is a retired mental health nurse and so realizes that even in the best nursing home she would probably require sedating and would lose her ability to walk - he knows the score and continues to play his own tune.

our concern of course is that though he is keeping his wife reasonably healthy his own health [well at least mental] is affected. but he won't listen and so the die has been cast!
mindbender
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Broome, western australia
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16-03-2013, 12:58 AM
14

Re: Caring fror your alzheimers partner

there is no doubt in my mind that home care by a loving partner is always the best option. I too have worked in OPH's and no matter how good the individual stops being an individual and becomes one of 30. the quiet ones are usually ignored and the rowdy ones sedated.

the ideal situation to my mind is home care with sufficient health and welfare services [respite] to give the carer a break on a weekly basis if not daily.

My mate will not opt for this and only allows one of his brothers to come for the morning or afternoon which allows him to have a haircut or keep an appointment.

OPH's sometimes have to be the last resort but they are just that and so many individuals in them deteriorate fast as well as the one left at home.

Caring for the carers is not well thought out in any country.
pixie
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16-03-2013, 03:55 AM
15

Re: Caring fror your alzheimers partner

I would do what I needed to
my daughter is a nurse in a home like that she tells me some things that go on its not a job for every one my dad was in a home before he died he did not no who i was
Willow
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16-03-2013, 02:42 PM
16

Re: Caring fror your alzheimers partner

I lose my patience with my husband as it is, which of course isn't to my credit. But if he was demented as well I couldn't put up with that and he would have to go into a home as much as he would hate the idea.
mindbender
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Broome, western australia
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16-03-2013, 02:50 PM
17

Re: Caring fror your alzheimers partner

One of australias notable authors and historian has written a piece on ageing , home care and respite care. She is 88 yrs old and living alone at home but has agency care paid for by the govt [and why not?] but she is still of active mind and decide to spend a week in an OPH to compare the difference.

She selected an upper end of the market one akin to a mini Singapore Hotel as she describes it herself! The staff seemed very caring – but then it changed – in the dining room at meal time just silence – residents were not communicating with each other – staff were over-stretched so some helpless residents did not get fed until their food had gone cold – she states that in her grandmothers day people died at home sometimes aided by a kindly local doctor who administered the necessary medication [now litigation] – so we are now faced with trying to support the elderly at home or prolong their life in OPH’s for what reason when no one even visits them?

She obviously prefers life at home alone but says it is still costing the state large sums of money - her bottom line really is that the modern world has not come to terms with the care of the elderly.
 
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