The Funnybone

Re: The Funnybone

Re: The Funnybone

Carol Burnett -- Bust Ups, Bloopers

HTTPS://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIqofVwYi4I

Re: The Funnybone

TEN LITTLE PIGS

A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he
decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.
At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male
pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs
and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived 60 miles
apart, so they decided to drive 30 miles each and find a
field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the
farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the
pigs into the family station wagon , (which was the only
vehicle he had) and drove the thirty miles.


While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer,
"How will I know if they are pregnant?"


The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass
tomorrow morning, they're pregnant. If they're lying
in the mud, they're not."


The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud, so
he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station
wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued
each morning for more than a week and both farmers
were worn out.


The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He
called his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me
whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."


"Neither," yelled his wife, "They are in the station wagon
and one of them is honking the horn.

Re: The Funnybone

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn’t speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A grandson who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, “Hi Grandma, you’re looking good! How are they treating you?”

Grandma took out her little note pad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew, “They won’t let me fart.”

Re: The Funnybone

Re: The Funnybone

Re: The Funnybone

A Lesson in Humility...
A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.





The jet jockey decided to show off and told the C-130 pilot:

'Watch this!' and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb.

He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.

The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.









The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch THIS!'

The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said: 'What did you think of that?'

Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?'

The C-130 pilot chuckled.


'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back,
Took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll!'




And the lesson?

When you are young and foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing!

When you get older and smarter - comfort & dull is not such a bad thing!

Us older folks understand this one, it's called:

S.O.S: Slower, Older and Smarter....