27-01-2019, 03:22 PM
12
Re: “A son is a son 'til he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life. ”
Originally Posted by Artangel
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Longy, Sorry, l don’t think l have explained this very well.My son’s partner is lovely and didn’t try to keep my son away from me at all. I think the fact they live in Australia doesn’t help.
27-01-2019, 03:54 PM
14
Re: “A son is a son 'til he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life. ”
No daughters here sadly just a son .It must be nice to have a daughter to share things with but I am not complaining, I have a great bond with my son
I think my DIL was a bit concerned at first that the strong bond I have with my son might make life difficult but I was determined not to be a demanding or possessive mother and to 'wait to be asked' rather than pushing myself forward so we all get on just fine with my son coming to visit weekly, his choice
27-01-2019, 04:47 PM
15
Re: “A son is a son 'til he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life. ”
It's true - It is very easy for a son to be swayed in favour of wife/partner and their wife/partner's own mum. Even worse when my six boys left the nest they still lived locally but with six mother-in-laws living locally too.Believe me, it was ruddy hard work! (another 50p in the swear box).
Luckily, I was very savvy when it came to the women. To be honest, no woman was ever good enough for my boys when they came into their lives and I knew it was serious, but I played it clever.
ONE. I was as pleasant as it was possible when they came into my home, treating them as though they were my own daughters. They were made to feel very welcome,and I never interfered in any of their relationships, and did everything to make their visits relaxed and hopefully, make them feel they could call around whenever and for whatever reason without the need for an invitation first.
TWO. I made sure that I never once said anything bad about any of them to my sons or to each of the other women. If they wanted to criticize them, fine, I kept my mouth firmly shut.
THREE. If any of the boys and their partners disagreed about something in front of me, I would ALWAYS take the side of their partner, but in a kind way that didn't make my son look small. (even if I thought her version was rubbish and my son was the clever one). If I hadn't, her own mum would be bound to take her side anyway and that would be one mark against me!
and finally FOUR. I knew if I made an enemy of any of my sons partners, I could risk losing any of them to her and her own mum. No mother of a son has a cat in hell's chance of winning against their son's soulmate, so, although it stuck in my throat sometimes, I played it clever and became their best ally instead of the dreaded MIL.
We have been really lucky as they all turned out to be absolute darlings. I genuinely wouldn't have a bad word said about them now and I am so grateful to have them in our lives.
27-01-2019, 05:13 PM
16
Re: “A son is a son 'til he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life. ”
Originally Posted by Realist
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This lovely piece of work by Kahlil Gibram was highlighted to me in a discussion about children on a Philosophy Forum. I think it sums the situation up very well.On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
I used to have this on my wall long ago.
27-01-2019, 05:35 PM
17
Re: “A son is a son 'til he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life. ”
I've never had children but I reckon the saying is probably pretty accurate. I expect many d-i-ls are either a bit jealous of their mother in law's close relationship with their sons or else they are resentful of any criticism of their cooking or ways of doing things. It must be hard for mums once their children marry to keep their mouths shut at times.
27-01-2019, 06:19 PM
18
Re: “A son is a son 'til he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life. ”
It's the opposite for me.I'm very close to my son - and my daughter in law is more like a daughter to me than my own daughters.
Ady & Paula have a young family & I'm very involved with them. They couldn't do without me but they're very good to us in return. We all go out together socially as a family and sometimes go on holiday with them too..
My girls on the other hand have full time jobs, their families are grown, they don't need us and don't bother about us much. They are very involved in their own children's lives socially and practically.
My eldest daughter is slightly more caring towards her mother in law but that's because she's a widow & I think they feel they feel an obligation.
I like to think if I was on my own they'd care a bit more but who knows?
27-01-2019, 11:59 PM
19
Re: “A son is a son 'til he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life. ”
Originally Posted by Artangel
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Do you think this old saying is true? I think it is, although l did find it hard to wrench my ex husband off his umbilical cord! My daughters and l are very close but I think, l have ‘lost’ my son to his partner and that’s fine, l don’t own him!
First daughter 1st marriage then yes that is probably fairly true, second daughter 2nd marriage definitely not. We are still great friends I see them both regularly but the relationship is different.
Sons - again depends on the individual two have been married, one divorced the youngest boy is still single. None of them have 'disappeared'. I see them all regularly they ring me at least weekly and text and chat in FB more often.
The eldest -1st marriage, is the most 'distant' but he was very young when his mother an I separated which probably explains it. I guess our relationship is more brotherly than father/son.
They live from 1000+km to 100km away so none are just up the road.
28-01-2019, 01:14 AM
20
Re: “A son is a son 'til he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life. ”
Originally Posted by shropshiregirl
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To be honest, no woman was ever good enough for my boys when they came into their lives
I’m not a mother so can’t fully understand this but I have to respect and appreciate your plan for making this work.
My husband has 3 siblings and nobody has ever been good enough for any of them. At first I took it all very personally but now I realize that it didn’t matter who the partner was, the results would have been the same. Nobody IS ever good enough for this mother’s children.
Oddly enough I’m the only daughter in my family but my mom has a problem with other females within our family. She doesn’t accept my brothers wife at all but adores my husband.
Maybe I need to be a mother to get this cause I sure don’t
I think it’s adorable when men have a great relationship with their mother. It speaks volumes
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