Betrayal

Has a friend ever betrayed you, or caused you to think about them in a different light?
Have you known someone for a long time who suddenly turns against you for seemingly no reason?

Although an event didn't concern me directly, I witnessed an episode last weekend which involved two of my closest friends.

Five of us were out for a few beers and a chat on our usual Saturday afternoon pub jaunt. I arrived at the given meeting place to find two friends already there at the arranged time of 1.30pm. I ordered my pint and sat down. Immediately I could sense that something wasn't quite right with one of my friends, let's call him 'H'. He then told me that a member of the band he plays in died last week and that he was very upset. 'H' can be a moody so-and-so on occasion anyway, but he was understandably not his usual jovial self that afternoon.

My other two friends rolled in - late - at 1.45pm and my friend 'H' decided enough was enough and 'why should we wait' while they drink their pints, he stood up and told them we would be in the next pub and walked out. Me and 'D' went with him and explained about 'H' and his sad loss.
All through that afternoon my other two friends who arrived late 'S' and 'I' were made to play "catch-up" as 'H' decided to remain in a sullen frame of mind with them, targeting 'S' mainly for arguing with him about why he kept storming off without he and 'I'. Me and 'D' decided on the fourth time he did this to remain behind and let him disappear on his own. We didn't see him again and the four of us carried on with our afternoon's session.

Later, 'S' received a text from 'H' saying he was very angry and called him all the names under the sun. My mate 'S' was flabbergasted when he relayed this later on to me over the phone and said 45 years of friendship had just ended. I told him things would work out and blow over. 'S' does have a tendency to be very blunt with people and want to be centre of attention and I think 'H' had had enough.

The trouble is that 'S' and 'H' and their respective wives are booked to go on a cruise together in October, along with 'D' who is tagging along with them. They go everywhere on holiday but now they are worried that it may have to be shelved or cancelled altogether, as both their wives are sticking up for their respective hubbies and not talking to one another too. They have never fallen out this badly before and it's a shame that our "gang" will break up. Me, 'D' and 'I' are basically caught in the middle, not taking sides.

The crux of this is that 'S' is extremely annoyed that 'H' has been so cowardly to insult him by text. It's out of order but I haven't contacted 'H' myself yet.

I have cautiously phoned 'S', 'D' and 'I' to meet up this coming Sunday afternoon for a local drink to talk about things, but I'm not contacting 'H' until we decide what to do about this.

Has anyone else had a problem with a long-standing friend, or a grudge which didn't heal?

Re: Betrayal

What a difficult situation, Floydy, I have no constructive advice to offer.

It does sound as though 'H' has more issues with 'S' than just the death of his band colleague. Could be something has been simmering for awhile and his grief just tipped him over the edge.

Very awkward for you though. Good luck on Sunday.

Re: Betrayal

It's so sad this might break up the gang Floydy I know you have all had such good times over the years.

I'm not good with advice but I would just leave them to fester for a while....things got out of hand and your pal was upset about his friends death....let him grieve a while and he might resolve things with his pal with no intervention from anyone.

Re: Betrayal

I'm not good with folks who upset me....I just cut them out of my life. I have one grudge though I really wish hadn't happened....a pal who had an affair with my boss at work. We used to be such good pals but I moved on she unfortunately died suddenly of a brain aneurysm a little time later....have to admit I was heart broken.

Re: Betrayal

Yes floydy but i wont tread on your post , ive lost friends .

A difficult time for you all.

Sadly sometimes people leave your life and move on , i hope not for the sake of you all but it happens and we never really know why

Good luck

Re: Betrayal

There was a reason for H outburst grieving can make fools of us all.
However thankfully the holiday is a long way off , I’m sure there’ll be regrets and an apology along with some relationship repairs.
In the meantime play it by ear and don’t take sides.
That’s my advice

Re: Betrayal

I’d just like to point out that alcohol is a depressant and your friend still sounds in shock. The alcohol may have helped him express himself a bit too much. Perhaps give the guy time to adjust and make the needed apologies.
People can be complex and you bet I’ve dumped friends

Re: Betrayal

I agree completely.

Re: Betrayal

I wouldn't exactly call it 'Betrayal' Floydy!!!

I think it will all blow over. The women will sort it out when tempers have cooled.

Re: Betrayal

A strange one this Floydy as I always thought this sort of tantrum was just a girly thing, blokes usually just shake hands the next day over another couple of pints and job sorted....