more funnies

Paddy and Mick are in the pub talking about their sex lives.
Paddy boasts "Me and the wife are at it like rabbits every night".
"You lucky sod say's Mick, I only get it once a month".
I call it "The Bruce Lee night".
And why do you call it that asks Paddy.
Mick replied "Because its the only night I enter the dragon".

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For his Christmas, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said 'Son we'd give you one but the mortgage on this
House is £280,000 and your mother just lost her job.
There's no way we can afford it.'
The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the
Front door with a suitcase. So he asked 'Son where are you going?'
Little Joseph told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and I Heard
you telling mum you were pulling out.
Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.
And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a
£280,000 mortgage and no bloody bike! |

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He was in hospital, in agony and late in the night, he finally regained consciousness.

Alarmed, he realised he was in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.

Understanding that he was in a life-threatening situation the nurse gave him a serious, deep look, straight into his eyes, then spoke to him slowly and clearly, enunciating each word and syllable.

"You may not feel anything from the waist down."

Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits then?"

AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

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FIRST READ

THEN CLICK ON ATTACHMENT



...this retired guy sits around the house all day...wife says, “You could do something useful, like vacuum the house once a week.”

Guy gives it a moment’s thought and says, “Sure why not...show me to the vacuum.”

Half an hour later, the guy comes into the kitchen to get some coffee.

Wife says, “I didn’t hear the vacuum work, I thought you were using it?”

Exasperated man answers, “The stupid thing is broken, won’t start...got to buy a new one.”

“Really”, she says..., “Show me - it worked fine the last time.” So he did ......



NOW CLICK ON ATTACHMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdmXLhN5i28