27-07-2018, 06:10 PM
893
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Pug
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Oh,noes! It's the Creature from the Black Latrine!
01-08-2018, 11:56 PM
894
Re: Jokes for blokes
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a bleedin' duck!"02-08-2018, 11:48 AM
895
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Judd
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Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a bleedin' duck!"
02-08-2018, 09:02 PM
898
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Primus1
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Two women were walking home from a night out when they both needed to pee, as they were passing the local graveyard they decided to go in there, the first woman, having nothing to wipe with , used her panties, the second women just grabbed a nearby wreath, the next day the first woman’s husband phoned her friends husband, “ my wife came home last night with no panties “ he furiously told his friend, “ well mine came home with a card between her arse which read, “ from all the lads at the fire station, we’ll never forget you”..
02-08-2018, 09:04 PM
899
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Longdogs
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A big old fat girl came up to me in the pub.'Can I have your number?' she asked
'Have you got a pen?' I replied
'Yes I have'
'Best to get back in it then before the farmer notices.
I get so many propositions, after all.
05-08-2018, 09:03 PM
900
Re: Jokes for blokes
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put £50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!"
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