Re: Do you want to be told you're fat?

Yeah and they say words can never hurt. But they do. Compared to being moo'ed by a KID (he was maybe 7 or 8 years old) I would have much rather taken a punch in the gut.

I have since lost all of that weight. But those words I will never forget.

Re: Do you want to be told you're fat?

There Is No Nice Way To Tell Someone They’re Fat

January 21, 2015 By Diane Carbonell

A popular search term that lands people on my blog is “A nice way to tell someone they’re fat.” If you are one of the people searching for the answer to this question, I have to be honest with you. There is no nice way to tell someone they’re fat. No matter how you do it, you are going to hurt their feelings.



The question; however, brings up a good point. Is there ever a time that you should point out someone else’s weight struggles? In other words, should you be the one to bring up to a friend or family member that they need to lose a few pounds?


It’s a valid question because over 60 percent of Americans are either overweight or obese meaning someone you know well likely struggles with his or her weight. If that is true, should you be the one to address the issue of weight with them?

As a general rule, I say no. (And this post is talking about adult family members and friends in your life. Not children – that’s a whole different issue.)

Believe me, the people in your life who struggle with their weight are 100 percent aware of their weight. They know what size they are, how much they weigh, and what impact their weight is having on their life. They do not need you to tell them that.

When I gained weight during the early years of my marriage, the last thing I needed or wanted was John telling me about my weight gain. I knew I was putting on weight but felt helpless to stop it. Hearing him criticize me would have only made me feel worse. I thought about my weight all the time even if I did not talk about it at that point. When I finally decided to lose weight, John supported me, but never made me feel like a failure when I did not reach my goals.

If you shouldn’t bring the issue of weight up, what can you do for people in your life who struggle with their weight?

Show Support and Concern

First of all, you can show support and concern, but not by bringing them unhealthy food. It is common to try to make people feel better by bringing them food. Our society celebrates, mourns, and socializes with food. However, for someone struggling with their weight, the last thing they need is people in their lives showing up with a few cupcakes, a large Coke, or a bag of chips for them to drown their sorrows in.

Do Not Criticize

I know it is easy to criticize someone who is eating junk food when you know they need to lose weight, but that does not help them stop. Instead of criticizing them when you see them eating junk, just set a good example yourself by making different choices. Offer healthier foods to them without being obnoxious about it and if you cook for them, avoid making foods that contribute to their weight problem. You know the old saying, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?” This holds true when trying to send a message to someone who is overweight. The more you criticize, the more they may gain weight.

Wait to Be Asked

If the person in your life who struggles with their weight asks you for help, by all means help. But constantly asking if you can do something to help them lose weight will only annoy them. There is a fine line between being a nag and being a help. If they never ask, then continue to support them by setting a good example, asking if they would like to join you in any physical activity you do, and making sure you are not contributing to their obesity problem.

Know When Rules Should Be Broken

Even though the general rule in my book is to not bring up the issue of weight with adult family members, there are times when the rule should be broken. For me, that would be if I felt their health was deteriorating or they were putting themselves at risk. Then, I would bring it up. Some examples would be talking to a person who you feel has an eating disorder, reminding your spouse of his/her doctor’s recommendations to lose weight to avoid health issues, or addressing risky behavior with friends and family members. It is always better to say something that might hurt their feelings if you are truly concerned for their well being then to stay silent.

Re: Do you want to be told you're fat?

Yes, you do sometimes have to be told you're fat, but not in a cruel way - a kind word from a friend or family member is best. If someone is getting taunted in the streets it's long past the time a friend or family member should have bitten the bullet and said something.

I know from experience how easy it is to slip into the frame of mind where "it doesn't matter if I'm overweight" but really it does. At our ages, especially, we don't need all the additional health complications that being fat brings. I've managed to lose about a quarter of my body weight and haven't had a waistline like this since my twenties. I feel better both mentally and physically and we could all do with a bit more of that!

Re: Do you want to be told you're fat?

Well done to you, great achievement and the feeling when you've shed the weight is terrific.
As I've said on this thread before cruelty and name calling is nothing to do with a chat with a concerned friend or family member.
Does it have to be taboo to bring the subject up, not if it's done properly and with the desire to help. I have family members who have struggled with their weight, I have lost weight also and we talk about it and help each other.
As you say as you get older the stresses on the body increase anyway and carrying excess weight is going to stress the whole system, especially the cardio vascular system.
With the huge amounts of calorie laden foods constantly available it's not surprising that it's affecting so many people, we have lost sight of how few calories we should be consuming, but it can be done with a few fairly easy changes in how we think about eating.

Re: Do you want to be told you're fat?

Quite so, Anita. I was a kick in the pants away from 20 stone a few years ago and started losing weight in an attempt to help with my diabetes. I changed my diet, cut out all the naughty things, all the usual stuff. Sadly the weight loss didn't make an iota of difference to my sugar levels, despite a couple of doctors who assured me it would. The diabetes seems to be more to do with my quirky metabolism than just my weight alone, but ironically I am now under the weight threshold where they would offer me bariatric surgery! (This would have bypassed the first foot or so of the gut, which is that part that absorbs most of the sugars, and is not the same as gastric band surgery.) You have to laugh, eh!

Never mind though, the weight loss has given me a new joi de vivre and I love going to the gym two or three times a week, as well as being more active in general.

Re: Do you want to be told you're fat?

I'd rather be told I am undertall for my weight.