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08-06-2021, 05:22 PM
2251

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Vlad ->
Wife and I had a 3 hour sex session last night, we played Doctor and patient, I made her wait in the corridor for 2 hours and 55 minutes.
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08-06-2021, 08:10 PM
2252

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Judd ->


I'll second that.
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10-06-2021, 04:49 PM
2253

Re: Let's have a laugh

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Canadian scientists found
Traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
Their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American
Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times:
"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their
Ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians".
One week later, the British authorities reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all.
Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Just makes you bloody proud to be British, don't it!
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10-06-2021, 04:58 PM
2254

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by JBR ->
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Canadian scientists found
Traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
Their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American
Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times:
"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their
Ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians".
One week later, the British authorities reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all.
Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Just makes you bloody proud to be British, don't it!

My chest filled with pride after reading that…I went out into the garden and sang ‘Rule Brittania’ at the top of my voice, tears streaming down my face as I raised my Union Jack…Mrs Edward from next door asked if someone had died! I wish she would do eye contact…I can actually feel her eyeballs caressing my thighs
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10-06-2021, 06:26 PM
2255

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by JBR ->
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Canadian scientists found
Traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
Their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American
Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times:
"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their
Ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians".
One week later, the British authorities reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all.
Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Just makes you bloody proud to be British, don't it!
LOL --- YES, it does - especially living in North Yorkshire!

Consider this 'nicked' -- thank you !!!
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11-06-2021, 02:41 PM
2256

Re: Let's have a laugh

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dianne Abbott
I'm out
Okay. I'll come back later then
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11-06-2021, 03:08 PM
2257

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Judd ->
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Dianne Abbott
I'm out
Okay. I'll come back later then
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11-06-2021, 09:48 PM
2258

Re: Let's have a laugh

QUEEN Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they’ll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, “Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity”.
The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, and drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, “ok, your Majesty, you may go in”.
Dolly is outraged and asked, ”What was that all about, I show you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me”?
“Sorry, Dolly says the Angel, but even in Heaven A Royal Flush Beats a Pair No Matter How Big They Are”
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11-06-2021, 09:49 PM
2259

Re: Let's have a laugh

Dianne Abbott visited Vincent Nichols, Archbishop of Westminster.
She told the Archbishop that Jeremy Corbyn would be attending the next day's Mass and she asked if the Archbishop would kindly point him out to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Jeremy a saint.
The Archbishop replied, "No. I don't really like the man and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic church over certain of his views."
Abbott then said, "Look, I'll write a cheque here and now for a donation of £250,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation that you see Jeremy as a saint."
The Archbishop thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."
As Abbott had indicated, Jeremy Corbyn appeared for the Sunday worship and seated himself prominently at the forward left side of the centre aisle.
As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Archbishop pointed out that Mr Corbyn was present.
The Archbishop went on to explain to the congregation, "While Mr Corbyn's presence is probably an honour to some, the man is not numbered among my personal favourite personages. Some of his most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church and he tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Jeremy Corbyn is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker and a nit-wit. He is also a serial liar, a cheat and a thief.
I must say, Jeremy Corbyn is the worst example of a Christian I have ever personally witnessed. He falsely obtained Union money and is using this wealth to lie to the British People. He also has a reputation for shirking his representative obligations. The man is simply not to be trusted.
The Archbishop concluded, "but, when compared with Dianne Abbott, Jeremy Corbyn is a saint."
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11-06-2021, 09:50 PM
2260

Re: Let's have a laugh

The pot hole outside my house was so big it took six council workers to watch the guy who came to fix it.
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