16-10-2010, 08:17 AM
11
Re: Experience of visiting a Nursing Home?
The other issue is whether it's in the best interests of an individual to be placed in residential care.Whilst obviously that is very important, it is also what is in the best interests of relatives who might be expected to care for an elderly or infirm relative.
16-10-2010, 09:52 AM
12
Re: Experience of visiting a Nursing Home?
Originally Posted by Dancingsky
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The other issue is whether it's in the best interests of an individual to be placed in residential care.Whilst obviously that is very important, it is also what is in the best interests of relatives who might be expected to care for an elderly or infirm relative.
If a person or family is unwilling or unable to take care of an elderly person then that is a different matter.
16-10-2010, 11:26 AM
13
Re: Experience of visiting a Nursing Home?
Originally Posted by Aerolor
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Sorry Dancingsky I must disagree - decisions like this should always be made based on what is in the best interest of an elderly infirm person. If a person or family is unwilling or unable to take care of an elderly person then that is a different matter.
Then we will have to agree to differ. My mother doesn't want to go into a home when the time comes, she would sooner inflict herself on one of her daughters, but that isn't going to happen. We know our limitations and looking after her would probably end up with the unlucky person being consigned to the funny farm!
That might seem unkind, but even a saint would feel murderous after 5 minutes in her company!
16-10-2010, 05:08 PM
14
Re: Experience of visiting a Nursing Home?
I was speaking from a professional viewpoint DS. I did say "best interest" of the elderly person, not demands or wishes of either an elderly person in need of care or their relatives. Obviously, decisions cannot be forced onto, or made for anyone, who is able to choose.17-10-2010, 08:13 AM
15
Re: Experience of visiting a Nursing Home?
Originally Posted by Aerolor
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I was speaking from a professional viewpoint DS. I did say "best interest" of the elderly person, not demands or wishes of either an elderly person in need of care or their relatives. Obviously, decisions cannot be forced onto, or made for anyone, who is able to choose.
17-10-2010, 05:39 PM
16
Re: Experience of visiting a Nursing Home?
I have seen both residential and nursing homes from both sides and they range from the delightful to the appalling.When my Mother needed EMI care I visited homes unannounced and asked if I could look around.
A couple refused to allow me over the threshold without an appointment.
I dismissed these immediately.
Those that let me in and showed me around, obviously had nothing to hide and I picked the one I thought suited Mum best.
She was happy there for 18 months, she was well cared for and had a comfortable and safe end to her life.
18-10-2010, 09:46 AM
17
Re: Experience of visiting a Nursing Home?
Whether caring for a relative at home or choosing a Residential/Nursing Home, this decision is obviously personal to the family concerned, with thought and consideration for both the elderly person's needs and the abilities and situation of the Caring Relative. However, if a Care Home is preferred, then we do need to make the best possible choice. Preferably near enough to make frequent visits possible, that would equally ensure that the relative can 'keep an eye' on how things are.While visiting, it is an opportunity to observe how the Care Staff interact with the residents/patients. I would like to observe respect and sensitivity to an individual's dignity. I prefer to see a lack of patronising talk, as though the elderly person was stupid or a three-year old! It is nice to find out if there are any additional activities within the Home, (other than a TV which hardly anyone seems to watch). Even very poorly patients in a Nursing Home can appreciate a 'Sing/Song'. It is lovely how many enjoy (if possible) a little chat, remembering things of their past - rather than sat in an armchair in a corner with a cup of cold tea, TV playing and generally ignored.
What we provide for others ...... and the way Care Homes are run and organised will be what the next 'in need' generation will inherit. So I would hope that the best possible consideration of the elderly, and their treatment and quality of life are given with compassionate thoughtful care.
Rainbow
18-10-2010, 12:47 PM
18
Re: Experience of visiting a Nursing Home?
I can say no more than this ...I visit my mother, my thrice-weekly duty
And listen to worries and small discontentments
In her box of a room where she’s full of resentments;
“My savings are going, the meals are too bland,”
And I hold her hand.
Her gaze flicks distractedly wall to wall –
“Will you dust?
I’m sorry for making a fuss.”
And I dutifully do the needless chores,
And look with longing out of doors.
I visit my mother and rush past the others,
The vacant-eyed residents slumped by the telly –
The fretful whining from Connie and Dolly –
“Don’t sit THERE, that’s MY chair!”
Oh, God help us all.
And mum’s eyes brim with fear for the thought
That she might
Need the commode for the third time that night.
And I sit and I stare
And crave the fresh air.
19-10-2010, 03:30 PM
19
Re: Experience of visiting a Nursing Home?
We had to put my Dad in a residential home some time ago because we couldn't look after him. He had the beginnings of dementia by then and we had to find somewhere ourselves - you don't get any help other than a list of locals ones in you area, if you're lucky.We found somewhere nice - we thought - but Dad's Council wouldn't pay all of it so we had to top it up. At first it was fine then after three months the manager started squeezing us for more money for his room - "increased costs" he said - so he was moved into a smaller room.
Before long that was also expensive so we were talked into taking him to another home also owned by these people.
This place was part nursing home but nobody other than a matron-type of woman had any medical experience we found. The place was well down on the original home but cost us the same. Dad had three incidents there where he was rushed into hospital but nothing was ever done.
The last time he never came out and to this day we do not know the actually cause of death other than the fact that he'd given up years before when his wife died.
I'd never recommend any home now although I know many have no choice. stevmk2
19-10-2010, 09:33 PM
20
Re: Experience of visiting a Nursing Home?
Originally Posted by Dancingsky
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In my mother's case her best interests would be served by her falling off her twig before a care home is necessary. However as that is not likely to happen as she is in good health physically, the bullet must be bitten and she will have to be consigned to one kicking and screaming, in the next year or so.
Fair enough, you and your siblings don't want to be full-time carers - I can identify with that. I'm no saint.
But if your mother is sufficiently well, why can there not be a solution that best meets her need. That is, semi-independent life with the support of external agencies. A compromise solution is often the best.
Because, an old-folks-home just makes some folk old even quicker than need be.
Originally Posted by eccles
->
I can say no more than this ...I visit my mother, my thrice-weekly duty
And listen to worries and small discontentments
In her box of a room where she’s full of resentments;
“My savings are going, the meals are too bland,”
And I hold her hand.
Her gaze flicks distractedly wall to wall –
“Will you dust?
I’m sorry for making a fuss.”
And I dutifully do the needless chores,
And look with longing out of doors.
I visit my mother and rush past the others,
The vacant-eyed residents slumped by the telly –
The fretful whining from Connie and Dolly –
“Don’t sit THERE, that’s MY chair!”
Oh, God help us all.
And mum’s eyes brim with fear for the thought
That she might
Need the commode for the third time that night.
And I sit and I stare
And crave the fresh air.
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