08-07-2013, 11:21 AM
1
A couple of gems
Taken these from a copy of The Pensioner.Medical Confidential
These are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries
The patient has no previous history of suicide
Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital
Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pounds weight gain in the past three days
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared
The patient is tearful and crying constantly, She also appears to be depressed.
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993
Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission
Healthy appearing decrepit 69 yr old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
Technology
I was visiting my son and daughter in law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century, old man' he said.
'We don't waste money on newspapers.
Here you can borrow my iPad.
I can tell you that fly never knew what hit it..!
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