men in uniform

am i being selfish ??? my daughter has 5 sm children lives around the corner . i have allways been there for them . helped a lot with the kids . he joined the raf 3yrs ago now he has a posting 200 miles away . they have their own house here . kids are settled at school . my daughter dosnt want to go and live in the housing down there . but hubby is saying she has to . i am not happy i love my grandkids to bits . i know she will have to go else he will put in for divorce . AM I BEING SELFISH TO HAVE MY CONCERNS

Re: men in uniform

Well, the flip-side of that is that you wouldn't be bothered about where they live and I think that is far, far worse. You clearly do love your family so it is understandable that you will be upset.

The bit that would concern me, if I was in your shoes, is the threat of divorce if your daughter doesn't tow his line.

Re: men in uniform

Jen darlin' - your Daughter 'signed up' to the life in the military when your Son-in-law joined the RAF. It is a nomadic existence as he is transferred from base to base according to the demands of the service. There is an RAF base at Akrotiri in Cyprus, and it is possible, at some point he could be transferred there too.

Re: men in uniform

Sometimes Uncle Joe, that sense-robbing emotion called love can prevent you from seeing what could come about can't it. There's no more an accurte sight like hindsight

Re: men in uniform

Yes well, if it were me I wouldn't take to the notion of having 5 kids uprooted for what may be one temporary home after another, how old are the kids? if she doesn't want to go she shouldn't , he should've thought of the consequences when he joined up unless that's the only job he could get?

Re: men in uniform

Quite right maggis - with five children and 3 years in the RAF, it sounds as though the RAF came after the marriage. I gave up my home and way of life for the second man I married and I would never ever do it again - biggest mistake of my life. I think that if you have a bad feeling about something you should listen to that feeling.

Re: men in uniform

I do feel for you Poppy, not military but we had something similar happen after we had custody of my niece for 4 years, it tears you apart wondering if they are alright. I don't think there is an answer that doesn't hurt. All you can do is be there if they need you keep the lines of communication open, easier these days with computers and mobiles etc.

Make it clear to your daughter how much you love her and the children but don't put obstacles in her way just be there for them when they need you.

Re: men in uniform

Hi Poppy clearly your SIL joined the RAF after starting a family and the question of relocation must have been discussed at the time he joined.

Your Daughter doesn't have to do anything, she has a choice.

Re: men in uniform

Make sure she knows there is somewhere for her to come back to if she doesn't like her life there. That's all you can do really. He sounds controlling, those types like to isolate their wives from their families, I hope he isn't.
I left my 1st wasband in S. Africa, knowing my parents would take us in, but then made the mistake of going back, he abandoned us there! (Very controlling type) She & the kids may love it there, you never know, so just be there in case. Not that I'm telling you what to do.

Re: men in uniform

I would have hoped they had discussed postings when he decided to join the RAF as they don't stay in one place.
All you can do is be there for your daughter and what ever she decides to do.
Not easy poppy when you have had them so close to you for all this time.