Bits n bobs.

Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the radio broadcaster!

Because he was a commontatta!

...................
He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward,
Then backwards, forward, then backwards again...... Back and forth...
Back and forth..... In and out.......She could feel the sweat on her forehead,
between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back. She was getting
near to the end. Her heart was pounding..... Her face was flushed.....
Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,




"Okay, Okay!!! I can’t park the car!!! You do it, you smug bugger!!!"
...................
In a London Nursing home an old priest lay dying.
For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital.
He motioned for his nurse to come near. "Yes, Father?", said the nurse.
"I would really like to see David Cameron and Nick Clegg before I die", whispered the priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father", replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to No 10 and waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived; David and Nick would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they went to the hospital, David commented to Nick, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it certainly will help our images".
Nick agreed that it was the right thing to do at this time.
When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took David's hand in his right hand and the Nicks hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.
The old priest slowly said: "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ".
"Amen", said David
"Amen", said Nick
The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieving b*****ds; and I would like to do the same...."

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The Haircut

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.'
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.
The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ~ and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.


And the dad replied,
"Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere?"
..........................
CHERIE BLAIR'S CHAUFFEUR ... !!!

Cherie Blair is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.

Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.

Cherie, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving.

'The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.

"You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Cherie.

Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.

'My goodness, what happened to you?' asks Cherie.

The chauffeur replies: ' When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me. '

'What on earth did you say?' asks Cherie. '

I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them: ' I'm Cherie Blair's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow.
...........

Re: Bits n bobs.

Nice one LF.

Re: Bits n bobs.

Very good