13-01-2017, 05:07 AM
1613
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
Pat forever got his haircut at Bob the Barber.Bob was an insufferable type that would not let anyone have or be better than he. If you had one, he had two. If your wife was pretty his was beautiful. If you knew the vice-president, he knew the you-know-who. Pat hated it but Bob was the only barber in town.
Pat had been on vacation for 3 weeks and really needed a haircut this day. In the barber chair finally, Bob says, " Well, Pat, see you been out of town on vacation. Hope you got to places I have seen before. They were really great."
Pat couldn't stand it anymore............... not another one-upmanship by Bob. "Well, Bob, I went overseas."
Bob replies, 'Really............... been overseas myself stacks of times."
Pat says, "and I went to Rome." ----
"Oh yeah, I really enjoyed Rome." says Bob.
Pat offers, "and I had an audience with the Pope at St. Peters"
This really catches Bob off guard. "Wow, really??!"
"Yeah," says Pat, "and I approached him and knelt and kissed his ring and then he leaned over and whispered in my ear."
Bob the barber was really got. "No kidding...........................what did he say to you?"
Pat replies, "He said, "Where did you get that lousy haircut??"
Good on yeh Pat me boyo.
13-01-2017, 12:49 PM
1615
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
The more I look back through the years now the more it all seems like it was only a dream, it didn’t really happen and I’m awake now. When I think of it I shudder, half a dozen clashes with death, getting up at 5.30 on Winter Mornings and walking 5 miles to work during a 3 month long bus strike, taking orders from a gobshite foreman who didn’t know his arse from his elbow, and all for thirty bob a week as an apprentice. Not to mention some very embarrassing moments as a young man, I didn’t really do that did I?, no, all that had to be a dream. I can no longer see the faces of my old mates both living and dead, time has buried everything forever.If God doesn’t forgive me for my sins and sends me back down here again as punishment I hope I come back as a big rock, a rock feels absolutely nothing, doesn’t have to eat, drink, work, worry, shave, or even shit, it just sits there doing nothing for millions of years, oh my kingdom for a rock.
The wife was a big fan of Rock Hudson years ago, she would swoon whenever he was on screen, the women don’t seem to ’Swoon’ anymore at the stars why’s that? anyway she found out he was gay and that was the end of that for her. Every time I see him in a film on TV I tease her “Ah look Philly, there’s your chap” she’ll put on a face and say “I’m finished with him as you well know” “Well you sure can pick’em ducky” I get a malicious kick knocking the Rock.
Up in Heaven I stood in the dock
Found guilty and sentenced to become a Rock
Thrown out from the land of honey and sweetcorn
And plonked on top of the mighty Matterhorn
Where the wind, snow, and ice did do it’s best
But could not shift me from my eternal rest.
13-01-2017, 12:56 PM
1616
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
nice story Jem - yep we all had those kind of foremen and bosses but ya know I think they were our grinding stones that turned us into diamonds! they do say [who are they - well the archangels ; judges in the sky??] that there are no bad experiences in life just learning ones - as someone once said you can turn any bad experience around it only takes you and your mind no one else!
13-01-2017, 11:23 PM
1618
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
fancy some night classes Pug??EVENING CLASSES STARTING SOON
CLASSES FOR MEN
Topic 1. How to fill ice-cube trays.
Topic 2. Lavatory paper rolls: do they grow on the holders?
Topic 3: Differences between the laundry basket and the floor.
Topic 4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink?
Topic 5. Loss of identity: losing the remote to your significant other.
Topic 6. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.
Topic 7. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health.
Topic 8. Real men ask for directions when lost.
Topic 9. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks?
Topic 10. Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife.
Topic 11. How to be the ideal shopping companion.
Topic 12. How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be late.
CLASSES FOR WOMEN
Women think they already know everything, but wait...training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
Topic 1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
Topic 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
Topic 3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
Topic 4. Bathroom Etiquette : His Razor is His
Topic 5. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
Topic 6. Communication Skills II: Getting What you Want Without Nagging.
Topic 7. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
Topic 8. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
Topic 9. Introduction to Parking
Topic 10. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
Topic 11. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
Topic 12. Cooking : Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
Topic 13. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
Topic 14. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
Topic 15. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have
Topic 16. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
Topic 17. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
Topic 18. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
Topic 19. TV Remotes: For Men Only
Topic 20. Shopping Without Dropping
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