05-07-2019, 06:23 PM
694
Re: Let's have a laugh
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
07-07-2019, 08:51 PM
696
Re: Let's have a laugh
A young thug with his pants hanging half off his ass walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.He marched up to the counter and said,
“Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.. I don’t like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing.” The social worker behind the counter said “Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and
bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his 2012 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.”
“Because of The long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say
but you will also have, as part of your job, the
assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshittin’ me!”
The social worker said, “Yeah, well…
You started it.” …..
08-07-2019, 06:45 AM
698
Re: Let's have a laugh
Originally Posted by Richmond
->
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshittin’ me!”
The social worker said, “Yeah, well…
You started it.” …..
Like it Mum, I'm a 3D printer.
Oh come on, Tommy, close the door when you poop.
09-07-2019, 07:28 PM
699
Re: Let's have a laugh
Sorry if this is a bit long, but so is the subject- Doctors discussing BrexitPhysicians were unable to reach a consensus : Should Brexit take place? The Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had a sort of gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought May had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was labouring under a misconception, while the opthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled " Over my dead body!", while the pediaricians said, " Oh, grow up!". The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing, and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow. The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whol idea. Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Parliament.
I'll get my coat if it's still there!!
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