Re: Taking care of aged parents.

I can see from reading your posts that you couldn't have done any more for your Mum, what you can also see is the frustration she felt as things slipped away from her and she couldn't cope, it sounds as though she was finding that hard. It's the scenario we all dread, both for parents and for ourselves.
It sounds as though she had the best possible and peaceful end of life care.

Maybe in the not too distant future there will be a way of deciding when we have had enough and that it will be usual to have decided on a plan in advance with the family, a living will which includes end of life plans and having a say in when that will be.
It would remove the present difficulties of self medication etc and also the family not being aware of any wishes.

Re: Taking care of aged parents.

Mum had a DNR on her medical records, but that would have only come into action if her heart had stopped, it doesn't make a scrap of difference to whether she went into care or not.
There are so many ways of looking at most decisions, and you can sometimes change your mind almost daily before you get it right.
In Mum's case, they wouldn't let her out of hospital (even after a month), unless she had 24/7 care, she was too at risk. She couldn't even hold the kettle to make herself a cup of tea in the end. I can't explain how upsetting it was seeing her wasting away. She went down to 5 stone.
The day she died, I was with her all afternoon. I washed her face and hands and sat with her for ages, but I'm not sure if she was aware or not, she didn't speak. The nurses gave her an injection to calm her down as she was very agitated. I told the manager when I had to go home for a while, and asked her to ring me straightaway if there was any change, and I would come straight back.
Mum passed away that evening. I am glad in a way, that she was cared for till the end, and not possibly having another fall at home, or dying frightened, alone or in pain .
I am getting upset recalling it all now, it's still rather raw, so I'll leave it at that.

Re: Taking care of aged parents.

Can´t wait to get into one of them residential homes and make a nuisance of myself....

Re: Taking care of aged parents.

I'm with you

Re: Taking care of aged parents.

Reading your post is quite emotional Mups, it was clearly a very difficult time, it's obvious that you cared for your Mum to the absolute best of your ability right up to the day she passed on.
As you said she was in safe and comfortable surroundings at the time. It's also common for people to be agitated towards the end because of what is physically happening in the body.
In a way your Mum was fortunate to have someone who cared for her so much, sadly people do pass away all alone in the world and it's not that uncommon.
I do think that it's a very difficult time for a person's children, my own Mother is still around so I will have this to come along with aunts and uncles who have no children of their own.

Re: Taking care of aged parents.

I cared for my dad in his late years , it was emotional , a large part hated him for what he had done to everyone , then theres a part inside of said , he's your blood and don't belittle myself to his level , but at the same time because the amount of violence he dished out , he had a certain control over me , even though he was old and weak man , everyone that knew him from years ago walk away from him , again don't know why , I couldnt . Even when he was in his late 70s he would have black eyes , cuts and bruises after the fights he would start , because he would go on benders for weeks or months I didn't see him , then out of the blue when he was sober , I get a phone call , the first thing he would say , I had the flu and been rough , would go to his buy him a new set of clothes and a large food shop , then give him a few pounds to get bits and pieces, basically did everything for him , until he started another bender. Not nice to admit but part of me wanted nothing to do with him , and thought I didn't want this controlling situation over my head , now he has died , I do miss him , but I don't miss the package that I had either ,
If that make sense

Re: Taking care of aged parents.

Wow Markey, respect for caring for your Father like that in light of what he did in the past and how much you and the family suffered.
I can see that you rose above the nasty side of things and just saw him as your father who had a problem.
Some would have had nothing to do with him, life and families are complicated and we can't choose.