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The teacher was trying to get little Johnny mental arithmetic but he kept counting using his fingers.
"Johnny, put your hands in your pickets! Now, what's five plus five?"
The wife came out of court muttering obscenities. A £1000 fine and 6 points 'just for driving onto some of those chequered chevrons you see around the roads!'
Mind you, the police car they were attached to was a complete write-off.
Superman was looking over his hotel balcony and saw wonder woman naked on the balcony below. So he jumped down to land on top of her only to hear a huge yell. The invisible man had got to her first.