The burglar wanted to steal a potty

I told a friend that I have been having such lousy dreams recently. They started when the doctor put me on a new sleeping pill. It is a new pill of the technological era in that it is not round but square. It stops you rolling out of bed in your sleep.

I remember the last time I rolled out of bed, I landed on top of a burglar who was trying to steal our guzunder. ........ GUZUNDER missus, guzunder the bed for you to pee in. It's the nearest thing we could get to an En-Suite toilet.

Anyway, the burglar was trying to steal our potty because he thought it was valuable. Somebody had told him that Victoria had peed in it. He thought that it was Queen Victoria that had peed in it but no, it was my wife Victoria. It might have been valuable but, NAH, I won't bore you with silly stories about it being made in Poland.

While the burglar squirmed and struggled underneath me, I pulled my nightshirt down over his head, tied it around his neck and threatened to break wind if he didn't lay still. He lay still till the police came to arrest him.

Would you believe that they wanted to take the potty as evidence? They claimed it might have the burglars fingerprints on it. I told them that it had a lot of my prints on it but they weren't from my fingers.

I watched through the window as the police bundled the burglar into the back of the car. I noticed that the redhead across the street was also watching what was going on. Poor old soul, she so much wanted to have children but was still childless.

Some rotten prankster had told her to drink a pint of rancid pond water one hour before having sex. Can you imagine someone being so nasty to tell her to do that? However, she has the last laugh. After drinking rancid pond water for a month she is now three months stagnant.

Just a minute...... Something wrong there. One month, three months. That can't be right. Come on ladies, help me out. I wonder if she cut the end of his condoms off like I told her to when I was a bit Brahms and Liszt at the Xmas party.

I'll think about that tomorrow, going back to bed now. Think I'll have a pee first. .................. YUCK, what the heck is a policeman's helmet doing under our bed? Better still, what has the copper, who just took away the burglar, got on his head?