29-01-2019, 01:15 AM
101
Re: Let's have a laugh
Originally Posted by Mups
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One for the ladies perhaps. .I think modern drugs are wonderful
Don't you?
After all, they enable a wife with pneumonia
To nurse her husband through man flu
30-01-2019, 10:08 PM
103
Re: Let's have a laugh
Dianne Abbott visited Vincent Nichols, Archbishop of Westminster.She told the Archbishop that Jeremy Corbyn would be attending the next day's Mass and she asked if the Archbishop would kindly point him out to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Jeremy a saint.
The Archbishop replied, "No. I don't really like the man and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic church over certain of his views."
Abbott then said, "Look, I'll write a cheque here and now for a donation of £250,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation that you see Jeremy as a saint."
The Archbishop thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."
As Abbott had indicated, Jeremy Corbyn appeared for the Sunday worship and seated himself prominently at the forward left side of the centre aisle.
As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Archbishop pointed out that Mr Corbyn was present.
The Archbishop went on to explain to the congregation, "While Mr Corbyn's presence is probably an honour to some, the man is not numbered among my personal favourite personages. Some of his most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church and he tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Jeremy Corbyn is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker and a nit-wit. He is also a serial liar, a cheat and a thief.
I must say, Jeremy Corbyn is the worst example of a Christian I have ever personally witnessed. He falsely obtained Union money and is using this wealth to lie to the British People. He also has a reputation for shirking his representative obligations. The man is simply not to be trusted.
The Archbishop concluded, "but, when compared with Dianne Abbott, Jeremy Corbyn is a saint."
31-01-2019, 11:01 PM
107
Re: Let's have a laugh
Originally Posted by Richmond
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QUEEN Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they’ll be admitted to Heaven.Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, “Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity”.
The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, and drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, “ok, your Majesty, you may go in”.
Dolly is outraged and asked,”What was that all about, I show you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me”?
“Sorry, Dolly says the Angel, but even in Heaven A Royal Flush Beats a Pair No Matter How Big They Are”
02-02-2019, 07:05 PM
110
Re: Let's have a laugh
The A, B, C wifeAfter being married for forty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while, then said: “You're an alphabet wife... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks: "What the hell does that mean?"
He said: “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous and Hot".
She smiled happily and said: "Oh, that's so lovely, but what about I, J, K?"
He said: "I'm Just Kidding!
The swelling in his eye is going down, the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles...
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