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effingpot
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effingpot is offline
Hampshire, UK
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 105
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28-04-2019, 04:41 PM
1

You've lived in London too long when .....

You’ve lived in London too long when …
  • You say “The City” and expect everyone to know which one.
  • You have never been to The Tower or Madame Tussauds, but love Brighton.
  • You say “The Tower” and expect everyone to know which one.
  • You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Shepherds Bush to a pub in Elephant & Castle at 15:30 on Friday, but can’t find Dorset on a map.
  • Prostitutes and homeless people are invisible.
  • You step over people who collapse on the tube.
  • You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
  • You’ve considered stabbing someone.
  • Your door has more than three locks.
  • You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
  • You call an 8×10 plot of patchy grass a garden.
  • You know where Karl Marx is buried.
  • You consider Essex the countryside.
  • You’re paying £1,200 a month for a flat the size of a walk-in wardrobe and you think it’s a bargain.
  • You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the UK pay in rent.
  • You haven’t seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went camping as a kid.
  • You own hiking boots and a 4WD vehicle, neither of which have ever touched dirt.
  • You pay £3 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p.
  • You have 27 different take-out menus next to your telephone.
  • The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you.
  • You’re suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
  • You haven’t cooked a meal since helping Mum last Christmas with the turkey.
  • Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.
  • £50 worth of groceries fits in one paper bag.
  • You have a minimum of five worst-cab-ride-ever stories.
  • You don’t hear sirens anymore.
  • You’ve mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city’s air quality and what it’s doing to your lungs.
  • Your house cleaner is Russian, your grocer is Korean, your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is Italian, your favourite bartender is Irish, your favourite diner is Greek, the watch-seller on your corner is Senegalese and your favourite falafel guy is Egyptian.
  • You wouldn’t want to live anywhere else until you get married.

If you’re an American guy and you’ve lived in London for a while, you know it’s too long when …

  • You don’t even bother looking out of the window when you get up in the morning to check what the day is like. You know it is overcast.
  • Wearing a suit in a pub is relatively normal attire.
  • You can’t remember what ‘customer service’ means.
  • After a big night out you find yourself looking for a Curry house, and not a 24 hour McDonalds.
  • You start to accept queuing as a way of life.
  • More than three hours sunlight on summer days seems excessive.
  • You always call soccer ‘football’ … and you have a team…and it’s not Manchester United.
  • You don’t think twice about buying a packaged sandwich.
  • A sunny lunchtime means searching for a patch of grass and stripping off practically down to your underwear.
  • You accept (albeit reluctantly) that men who cut, comb and style their hair using hair products are not necessarily gay.
  • You think 20 quid for a haircut is quite reasonable.
  • You finish every sentence with ‘Cheers’ and/or ‘Yeah?’.
  • You only just realise you have lost your sunglasses – you left them in Greece 2 summers ago.
  • You start thinking English cuisine isn’t all that bad after all, I mean, it’s hard to beat a full English breakfast.
  • You are on to your 6th umbrella and your second overcoat.
  • You buy a disposable baby BBQ from Argos.
  • You realise your sunscreen is the stuff you originally brought from home with you.
  • A day at the beach means wearing the warmest clothes you own while standing on golf ball-size pebbles and the thought of swimming doesn’t even enter your head.
  • You actually say, “Sor’ed”, “It’s all gone a bit pear shaped” or “A’right?”.
  • You believe that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday are all good nights for drinking. Sunday day is also entirely reasonable.
  • You have given up explaining why you are half an hour late to work as no-one notices or cares.
  • Coming to work with a hangover is entirely accepted and indeed expected at least once a week.
  • You think twice about giving up your seat on the tube to a pregnant woman or elderly person.
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d00d
Chatterbox
d00d is offline
London, UK
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 7,525
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28-04-2019, 05:08 PM
2

Re: You've lived in London too long when .....

Quite true, except things are a bit different, but not much, when you're retired.
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EZ Rider
Chatterbox
EZ Rider is offline
Surrey
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 30,755
EZ Rider is male  EZ Rider has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
28-04-2019, 05:46 PM
3

Re: You've lived in London too long when .....

When you can't find somewhere to park your car without fear of it being clamped.
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Lorna
Senior Member
Lorna is offline
Uk
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 135
Lorna is female  Lorna has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
28-04-2019, 08:20 PM
4

Re: You've lived in London too long when .....

You know you've lived in london too long when you just pay the extortionate parking fees without moaning anymore !!
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Lorna
Senior Member
Lorna is offline
Uk
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 135
Lorna is female  Lorna has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
28-04-2019, 08:25 PM
5

Re: You've lived in London too long when .....

You know you've lived in London too long when....you step two feet away from the suspicious looking bag instead of running cause i aint missing my bus/train for nuffink ! Ohh i gotta shove on !
 

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