Re: Jokes for blokes

An 85-year old man went to his doctor to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a glass jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year old man reappeared at the doctor's surgery and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what had happened and the man explained:

"Well, Doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing.

"She tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in and then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked: "You asked your neighbour?"

The old man replied, "Yep. No matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the bloody jar open."

Re: Jokes for blokes

Re: Jokes for blokes

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.

Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you have a suppository in your left ear?"

Mabel answered, "I have a suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it, then said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

Re: Jokes for blokes

I was standing at the cash machine the other day and there was a little old lady struggling to see the screen.
She said to me, "Can you check my balance?"
So I pushed her over.

Re: Jokes for blokes

What's 100 yards long and smells of piss?
The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.

Re: Jokes for blokes

A family was supposed to stay the night in an hotel, but there was a screw-up with the rooms, so Grandpa had to sleep in the same bed as the 15-year old grandson.

In the middle of the night Grandpa woke up and shouted, "Quick! Get me a woman, fast!"

The grandson moaned, "Please, Grandpa, calm down. First, it's three o'clock in the morning, and you'll never find a woman at this hour. Second, you're 82 years old. And third, that's MY dick you're holding... not yours."

Re: Jokes for blokes

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking along with his legs spread apart.

One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk like that."

The other student said: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitski Syndrome. He walks just as we learnt in class."

Since they couldn't agree, they decided to ask the old man. They approached the old man and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the medical syndrome from which you are suffering. Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man replied: "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you think."

One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome."

The old man said: "You thought... but you thought wrong."

Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitski Syndrome."

The old man said: "You thought... but you thought wrong."

So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?"

And the old man said: "I thought it was a fart... but I thought wrong."

Re: Jokes for blokes

silly bugger ... not looked on here before

or not for a long time

Re: Jokes for blokes

I want to assure you, Rachel, that contrary to the title of the thread, it is absolutely suitable for ladies as well as blokes!

Re: Jokes for blokes

After playing bridge together for many years, two old ladies had got to know each other pretty well.

Then one day, during a game of cards, one lady suddenly looked up at the other and said, "I realise we've known each other for many years but for the life of me I can't remember your name. Would you mind telling me it again?"

There was silence for a couple of minutes... and then the other lady replied, "How quickly do you need to know?"