09-01-2019, 04:36 PM
996
Re: Jokes for blokes
Dear Technical Support,18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.
Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with Free Sex Plus and Clean House 2018. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0’s memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch Turbo Strop and Whinge.
These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every sixth week.
Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Porsche 911 or Mercedes Estate hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother In Law, which can’t be turned off.
Recently I’ve been tempted to install Mistress 2018, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2018, it tends to delete all of Money before uninstalling itself.
Please advise ASAP. Technical Support urgently required.
09-01-2019, 05:20 PM
1000
Re: Jokes for blokes
The Russian circus comes to Glasgow. At the end of the show the ringmaster makes an an announcement."We have a special event this evening. Ivan the Terrible, a famous Russian wrestler. He has two special holds. The Half Pretzel which breaks your back. And the Full Pretzel which kills you. I'll give a hundred pounds to anyone who can go three minutes with him......."
We Hughie is out of his seat in a flash...........
"A hundred pounds......I'll dae it!"
Out comes Ivan, seems like 9ft tall, all hair and teeth grunting like an animal.......
He picks up wee Hughie .....the crowd goes silent. He bends Hughie and the crowd gasps.............
All of a sudden Ivan comes flying off cracks his head on the edge of the ring, and is knocked unconscious. The roar from the crowd could have raised the roof.
"Mr Hughie, that is amazing. It has never happened before. Can you explain?"
"Weel, Mr Ringmaster, he had me in this Pretzel thing and I could feel the life draining oota me. Then I sees this huge great willie in front o' me. So I sank my teeth intae it. Mr Ringmaster, it is amazing the surge of strength ye get when ye bite yer ain willie."
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