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13-11-2018, 03:53 PM
11

Re: The ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ Mentality

I think we do a real disservice when we attach a persona to men that they can’t possibly live up to and then feel disappointed when they cant.
Why can’t men get the same consideration when their hearts get broken? Why do we not allow men to grieve? Are they expected to hold in all their emotions?

For some reason men aren’t given the same opportunity as women to be completely human. Many women would rather have their man die than fall off that white horse yet men suffer pain just as much as women but are conditioned by society to ‘suck it up.’

Repressed emotions don’t stay stagnant within. They get distorted and often get expressed as anger and frustration, which gets expressed as hostility and violence. Then we shake our heads and wonder where it came from.

As women we have the power to help our men heal their wounds and teach our sons a new way of expressing themselves.
Unhealed wounds are the number one cause for divorce. Behind every disempowered behaviour is an unhealed wound.

Like every human being on this planet, we ALL need a safe place to fall. We give our men such great responsibility yet give them no place to fall when they need it.






I noticed that no members spoke of LOVE yet love heals all wounds. Fear,control and manipulation simply perpetuates them. Men don’t need more shame and negativity attached to this already , rigid stigma. Men need a soft place to fall also and we can help create that for them because ‘big boys don’t cry, but REAL MEN do.
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13-11-2018, 03:57 PM
12

Re: The ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ Mentality

Originally Posted by Julie1962 ->
Men should cry too IMO It's just as important they have that release as women do. Too many male suicides fueled by the need not to show any emotion.
Originally Posted by Maddy ->
stiff upper lip so old hat imo -- more for the upper class of society ' we was given emotions so use them ' men cry same as women indoors out doors does it matter ' its what u do in grief ..
Oh thank goodness. I agree completely.
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13-11-2018, 04:08 PM
13

Re: The ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ Mentality

One phrase I hate with a passion is man up, why would we make any man feel less than another just because they might be unable to hide their feelings ?
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13-11-2018, 04:42 PM
14

Re: The ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ Mentality

Honestly Bratti, I don't know whether it was the Irish blood flowing through their veins, or they took their cue from my Irish Dad, but I don't think I can ever recall seeing any of my six brothers crying. When we lost Mum, dad didn't even cry once in front of us. He just went for long walks by himself for weeks after the funeral. The same with my younger brother when he lost the love of his life to illness. I often saw reddish puffed eyes when we visited, but he never showed any emotion in front of us. I'm sure many a tear fell when they were on their own though.

As for my own six gorillas, plenty of tears until they were about 13, and again, don't ever remember any tears after that.

Don't know if that is the "stiff upper lip"
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13-11-2018, 04:44 PM
15

Re: The ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ Mentality

Originally Posted by Purwell ->
Man hugs make me cringe!
Bless!
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13-11-2018, 04:46 PM
16

Re: The ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ Mentality

Like it or not it was the 'stiff upper lip' that got Britain through two world wars. Without those people we were nothing.
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13-11-2018, 05:48 PM
17

Re: The ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ Mentality

But you aren’t currently at war now and what about the aftermath?
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13-11-2018, 05:52 PM
18

Re: The ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ Mentality

We were brought up not to display emotions in public. At home, behind closed doors, was another matter.
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13-11-2018, 06:14 PM
19

Re: The ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ Mentality

Originally Posted by shropshiregirl ->
Honestly Bratti, I don't know whether it was the Irish blood flowing through their veins, or they took their cue from my Irish Dad, but I don't think I can ever recall seeing any of my six brothers crying. When we lost Mum, dad didn't even cry once in front of us. He just went for long walks by himself for weeks after the funeral. The same with my younger brother when he lost the love of his life to illness. I often saw reddish puffed eyes when we visited, but he never showed any emotion in front of us. I'm sure many a tear fell when they were on their own though.

As for my own six gorillas, plenty of tears until they were about 13, and again, don't ever remember any tears after that.

Don't know if that is the "stiff upper lip"
Shropshiregirl,
I was so hoping you’d come along.
My family is the same. Both parents were in the RAF, my mom an air traffic controller at the airport , her father a prisoner of war who became an alcoholic with serious mental problems. They survived the depression and still carry the same mentality.

The only time I saw my dad cry was when his mother died and then my brother. My mom cried a lot at his death but I don’t think I’ve seen them cry ever since. My mom gets choked up and she’d do herself a lot of good if she had a good bawl once in a while. Holding strong emotions in like that is just suppressing them and the side effects of not dealing with them are they get distorted and come out as anger and aggression.

Oddly enough my brother doesn’t show a lot of emotion either but I’m the complete polar opposite. I can’t hold in my emotions and express them freely; possibly too much so but I can always pull back some. Lol. And that’s not to say I bawl in front of others, because I don’t but I am very emotional.

Your boys sound like normal well adjusted souls SSG.

And in all due respect, I have great admiration and respect for all the men and women that had to endure incredible trauma directly related to war events.

Longdogs is right that you wouldn’t have survived the wars like you did without that stiff upper lip but I wasn’t suggesting people break down right then and there for their own pity party.

What I was getting at was that there IS a time and a place for us ALL to express our emotions and we should never shame anyone for needing to do just that. Holding all those emotions in isn’t good for anyone; male or female.
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13-11-2018, 06:15 PM
20

Re: The ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ Mentality

Originally Posted by Silver Tabby ->
We were brought up not to display emotions in public. At home, behind closed doors, was another matter.
Perfectly reasonable.
 
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