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13-01-2021, 03:35 PM
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Re: One liners and short jokes!

If we run out of Doctors and Nurses the Government will use vets.
Have you seen how vets take your temperature?
Stay home! Stay safe!
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15-01-2021, 05:54 PM
122

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Me: My credit card won't work
Cashier: Strip facing this way
Me: (Unbuttoning shirt) Can't I just pay in cash?
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15-01-2021, 05:55 PM
123

Re: One liners and short jokes!

The Beach Boys walk into a bar.
Round?
Round ...
Get a round?
I'll get a round ...
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15-01-2021, 06:02 PM
124

Re: One liners and short jokes!

A weasel walks into a bar.
The Bartender says "What can I get you?"
"Pop" goes the weasel!
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16-01-2021, 05:46 PM
125

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Some new, some old, most funny ...

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.* After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they moved off.
“Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

My cousin sent 20 different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least 10 would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!!

Do they make alphabet soup in any other languages? Cuz I'm thinking Chinese would be real pricey.

Did the person who invented the phrase "one hit wonder" ever invent any other catch phrases?

If you are walking along a beach and see a girl wearing a sea shell bikini and hold her up to your ear, can you hear her scream?

Does everyone know the difference between a contribution and a commitment? Actually this one is easy: when you have bacon and eggs for breakfast, the chicken made a contribution, but the pig made a commitment.
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16-01-2021, 05:48 PM
126

Re: One liners and short jokes!

A few more ...

One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out of the window when he said, "It's going to rain."

"How do you know?" asked his wife.

"Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."


What do you get if you make a hen stare at a lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.


Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
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16-01-2021, 08:13 PM
127

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Thanks so much to the person who taught me the meaning of 'Plethora'.
It means a lot!
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16-01-2021, 08:15 PM
128

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Wanna know the secret to getting your partner to go "Mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm mmmmmm...." all night long?
Duct tape!
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16-01-2021, 08:15 PM
129

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Sitting here in ER in a lot of pain. Don't want to go into details but the "Dyson ball cleaner" is a very misleading product name!
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16-01-2021, 08:16 PM
130

Re: One liners and short jokes!

Did the person who invented the phrase "one hit wonder" ever invent any other catch phrases?
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