01-02-2014, 09:54 AM
1
2013 Darwin awards
> 2013 DARWIN AWARDS>
> You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further
> ado, here are the 2013 Darwin Awards:
>
> Eighth Place
> In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
> water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
> retrieve his car keys.
>
> Seventh Place
> A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when
> he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
>
> Sixth Place
> While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for
> protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the
> bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the
> beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach
> him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free
> him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>
> Fifth Place
> Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling
> of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
> flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the
> base of his skull as he hit the floor.
>
> Fourth Place
> Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with
> friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into
> his mouth and pull the trigger.
>
> Third Place
> After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the
> front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the
> store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing
> at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
> hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
> The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several
> customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at
> the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended
> cartridge cases in the shop.
> The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
> rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
>
> HONORABLE MENTION
> Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving
> around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the
> window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the
> window was closed.
>
> RUNNER UP
> Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of
> them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in
> the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited and at least 10
> men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the
> midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee
> rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
> a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's
> leg and then tied the other to the bridge.. His fall lasted 40 feet before
> the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
> survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby
> fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
>
> AND THE WINNER IS....
> Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his
> constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of
> berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
> Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing
> elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
> The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked
> Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
> elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to
> be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'
>
> IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING
> THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.
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