12-07-2014, 08:04 AM
43
Re: Old and New Jokes bet you still laugh
Roy Hodgson and the England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today."It is heartbreaking to see their sad little faces, hopeless with despair." said Jose, age 6.
Roy Hodgson has set up a friendly match against Iceland to try and
cheer fans up. If we beat them then we go on to play Tesco and then Sainsbury's.
In future, England games will be moved to the Gay Adult TV channel
as the screening of eleven arseholes being hammered for 90 minutes
is considered too explicit for the BBC.
SKY SPORTS BREAKING NEWS!
It has been announced that next years
shirt sponsor for ENGLAND will be TAMPAX.
A spokesman said, " To sponsor a load of fannies going through a
bad period is exactly what our company is all about."
15-07-2014, 07:30 PM
44
Re: Old and New Jokes bet you still laugh
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a Priest, said, .... 'I am a Father..'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that..'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."
18-07-2014, 10:29 AM
45
Re: Old and New Jokes bet you still laugh
BAD LEGS !!!_A man walks into a bar and sees an attractive woman sitting by herself and asks,
"May I buy you a cocktail?"
"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."
"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
"No, they spread."
19-07-2014, 01:41 PM
46
Re: Old and New Jokes bet you still laugh
A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”
“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”
Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.
“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”
“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.
“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.
“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.
“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”
“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.
“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!
21-07-2014, 07:56 AM
47
Re: Old and New Jokes bet you still laugh
I said to my son last night;"Where are you going dressed like that?"
He said; "I'm going to Kevin's Fancy Dress Party, I'm a Tortoise"
I said; "The party isn't til Saturday"
He said; "I know, I'm a Tortoise" ...
.....................
it's okay to say: "Look at you! You got so big!" to children,
but old girlfriends tend to get offended ...
..................
my mate said; "Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life"
"Well, it got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago, Chile in 2009," I told him
"Really?" he said.
"No," I replied ...
.....................
I've just called the tinnitus helpline,
It just kept ringing ...
23-07-2014, 09:55 PM
48
Re: Old and New Jokes bet you still laugh
I was at the top of the Empire State building when I saw a very attractive lady, so I wandered over and whispered;"Baby I wanna make all your fantasies come true."
She turned to me and whispered back; "Awww that's so sweet, try not to land on my car"
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