Re: Adult children

My son is well settled in his own bungalow, and has been for years.
I can't see him ever wanting to live back with his Mum at his age, and much as I love him, I doubt it would work out anyway.

Re: Adult children

My daughter split up from her boyfriend of three years. She cannot afford to get her own home again and is sofa surfing, sometimes stays with her boyfriend and also goes back to stay with her mum some nights.
She came to pick up her dogs for a weekend and was getting quite upset that she hasn't got her own place to go home to, meanwhile her mum, my ex, is complaining to me she wants to have her home back to herself and gets fed up as my daughter makes a mess supposedly. I don't think that is the real reason. I think that when you have your own place it's awkward to have someone come and share it with you even if it's family. Especially if your getting older.

I'm not even sure if I met someone, a significant other, that I would want to live with them permanently these days.

Re: Adult children

My twins (boy and girl) left home in their early 20's. My daughter was 21 when she was married and my son left home for a better job in London at 23, they both have good lives so I'm happy for them.

Re: Adult children

I find myself wondering what other parents do when their kids struggle to survive. My 31 year old son has not been living with me since he went to college but he has always needed help, emotional and financial, now he is about to be homeless, and threatening with coming to live with me. Which it would not be a problem if I live alone, but I am now remarried and my husband totally disagree with that idea, I wouldn’t want it neither, but I do not know how to help now 😕

Re: Adult children

Sorry to say this, but, never shut the door on your kids, no matter what age.
You may regret it.
You will always be his Mom.
Make it temporary, and get him some help

Re: Adult children

At 31 he should sort his own life out, to be honest. I just managed to prise my 33 year old son out into a flat of his own and have told him in no uncertain terms that while I love him, the help he has had over the last 3 years - free lodging with me as he cleared his debts - is the last help he is getting. He either stands on his own two feet or he doesn't, but whatever mess he makes is his and his alone from now on. He's an adult and should act like one.

Re: Adult children

Thank you for saying that Sweetie Pie, that is how I feel, but my husband thinks there is something unhealthy about wanting to help your adult child. But I grew up with family being the most important thing in life, now that I am older I realized that not all people grew up believing this.

Re: Adult children

I understand what you are saying, and that is the message I get from most people, I live in USA and I was born in Mexico, different culture, but it is hard to see where the boundaries are when it comes to being there for your children. Anyway, I am a bit lost with this issue, and that is the reason I joined this forum, thank you so much for any feedback you are giving me.

Re: Adult children

My children have always worked and struggled .
I have helped them all and will continue to do so as long as I can .

Re: Adult children

Itend to agree with Sweetie Pie and I don't see anything unhealthy about wanting to help. Family is very important, but try to remember it is a two way street. He has to do something for himself as well, not just rely on your kindness. You have a bit of a problem if your husband is resistant to him coming to live with you for a while, but work on him and if he won't bend maybe you could point your son in the direction of people who are able to help him on a practical level. Don't lose touch with him. I don't know what the social aid services/organisations are like in Mexico (suspect they are somewhat different from UK). You are his safety net and I don't think I could let one of my own flounder and suffer whilst I did nothing. If you can financially do it I would help him out, but put conditions on your help, i.e. he has to get a job, any job to start off with. Any drink or drug problems he may have he has to get help for - along with all the other stuff which would prevent him from eventually standing on his own two feet. Just a thought, is the company he keeps holding him down do you think. Is he a soft touch for others to take advantage of. I really don't know, but I would certainly be trying to find out. He is probably more than aware of how vulnerable he is and I would move heaven and earth to stop him going further down the slippery slope.