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pauline3
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Hampshire UK
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10-05-2021, 05:49 PM
21

Re: Coping with grief.

Originally Posted by carol ->
I went to see my recently bereaved friend J the other day & found her in a very low state of mind.

For the past 2 years her hubby B has been in a care home suffering with dementia.

The last time J saw him in a lucid state was last summer when she went to visit. Unfortunately because of lockdown she wasn't allowed to go indoors to visit so they brought him to the window. He put out his arms to her & started crying. This of course made J cry & there they stood with glass between them both sobbing.

J can't get past this memory because he went into decline soon after that & though she went to see him a few times before he died in March this year, I don't think he knew her.

This memory has excluded all others and is all she can think about.

I took her details of Cruise Bereavement Group & local groups that might help her. I told her I'd accompany her to anywhere she wanted to go.

She has two lovely daughters & they are in despair because of the state of their mum. She won't go out of the house & isn't interested in anything..

I think it helped her talking to me about this but how can I help her get past it?

You can be there as a loving friend as and when she may need you.

Other than that, I believe we go through grief alone....the inside that is.....our innermost being.
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Tedc
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Berkshire, UK
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11-05-2021, 10:07 AM
22

Re: Coping with grief.

Takes a while to move your thinking, from the sense of total loss, to the many real benefits you did get to enjoy in life.

Anita was given back 30, or so, years of life by a gift of a triple heart bypass.

During those years, she loved the extra time with her family, learned to play golf, made lots of new friends in this area.

I was given back some years, which I might not have otherwise had, by a pacemaker implant.

Right up to the last day, things were good.

We enjoyed our last evening meal, with one of our daughters, on our patio on a Bank Holiday Sunday, and sadly, the next morning, i awoke to find that Anita had passed away, whilst sleeping, overnight.

Years of thinking, and over thinking, but I am now settled on the concept that she left without pain, without the trauma of a long illness, and we can all cope with that thinking.

The way through Grief, seems to be built on family & friends.

And all those positive memories.
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Ripple
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14-05-2021, 02:59 PM
23

Re: Coping with grief.

After losing my dear husband last year I don’t think there’s a definitive answer to grief, it affects everyone differently.
I’ve kept busy & worked myself out of the sorrow ,loneliness and anger, yes I did feel angry …How could he leave me ( self pity) The best thing my family & friends have given me is their time in lockdown , lots phone calls FaceTime & walks.

I’m getting there & now have a lots of good days
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Mups
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14-05-2021, 03:03 PM
24

Re: Coping with grief.

Originally Posted by Ripple ->
After losing my dear husband last year I don’t think there’s a definitive answer to grief, it affects everyone differently.
I’ve kept busy & worked myself out of the sorrow ,loneliness and anger, yes I did feel angry …How could he leave me ( self pity) The best thing my family & friends have given me is their time in lockdown , lots phone calls FaceTime & walks.

I’m getting there & now have a lots of good days


So sorry for your loss, Ripple.
Glad you are finding your way through it gradually.
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Ripple
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14-05-2021, 03:07 PM
25

Re: Coping with grief.

Originally Posted by Mups ->
So sorry for your loss, Ripple.
Glad you are finding your way through it gradually.
Awwwe thank you Mups xxx
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LongDriver
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West Sussex (coastal)
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14-05-2021, 03:30 PM
26

Re: Coping with grief.

Originally Posted by Ripple ->
After losing my dear husband last year I don’t think there’s a definitive answer to grief, it affects everyone differently.
I’ve kept busy & worked myself out of the sorrow ,loneliness and anger, yes I did feel angry …How could he leave me ( self pity) The best thing my family & friends have given me is their time in lockdown , lots phone calls FaceTime & walks.

I’m getting there & now have a lots of good days
Awwww .. I could feel myself welling up Ripple and if you were here I would have given you such a big hug.
Yes, I am sure you felt anger and I know I would too if my darling left me to cross over. I'd like to think I would take her loss kind of calmly and keep a stiff upper lip, but I know I'd be completely floundering even though I have 2 of our 4 daughters only 3/4 mile away and we are very close.
May you have an abundance of good days ahead of you and my the future always be kind to you.
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Mags
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14-05-2021, 03:56 PM
27

Re: Coping with grief.

Originally Posted by Ripple ->
After losing my dear husband last year I don’t think there’s a definitive answer to grief, it affects everyone differently.
I’ve kept busy & worked myself out of the sorrow ,loneliness and anger, yes I did feel angry …How could he leave me ( self pity) The best thing my family & friends have given me is their time in lockdown , lots phone calls FaceTime & walks.

I’m getting there & now have a lots of good days
I'm so sorry for your loss Ripple, it must have been a very difficult time for you and you have been brave working your way through your grief.

I dread to think how I will be when my time comes to face it.
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Ripple
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15-05-2021, 07:39 AM
28

Re: Coping with grief.

Longdriver & Mags 😘 thank you for your for thoughtful words …everyone has been so sweet
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Meg
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Worcestershire
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15-05-2021, 10:00 AM
29

Re: Coping with grief.

Originally Posted by Ripple ->
After losing my dear husband last year I don’t think there’s a definitive answer to grief, it affects everyone differently.
I’ve kept busy & worked myself out of the sorrow ,loneliness and anger, yes I did feel angry …How could he leave me ( self pity) The best thing my family & friends have given me is their time in lockdown , lots phone calls FaceTime & walks.

I’m getting there & now have a lots of good days
Ripple I am sad for you
We are affected differently but most of us go through the same stages of grief, shock/numbness/anger/loneliness and eventually learning to accept the loss.
Nothing can describe those first weeks of loss or the gnawing physical ache inside

Keeping busy fills the mind and allows time to adjust to a different life.
Even when you think you are doing well there flashbacks and bad days, time to hug a cushion and cry...

I am glad to hear you are having good days enjoy them and I hope they are many..
swimfeeders
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Shropshire
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15-05-2021, 10:48 AM
30

Re: Coping with grief.

Hi

Rip

He would not want you to be sad.

He had a great sense of humour and is to be remembered with love.

His Zip comment was brilliant.

Nobody and no one will ever replace him.

He was obviously a very loving and sorted man who wanted the best for you.

That has not changed.

He would want you to be happy.
 
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