Re: Let's have a laugh

What a good idea. I must make a couple of those.

Re: Let's have a laugh

Re: Let's have a laugh

It just occurred to me to wonder whether we have any scousers on OFF.
If so, I hope they have a sense of humour!

Re: Let's have a laugh

The 'Scousers' I have met have an absolutely wonderful sense of humour - they know how to give it and take it!! So lets hope!

Re: Let's have a laugh

I think most Northerners do.

Re: Let's have a laugh

Indian Curry Rhapsody (to the tune Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen)

Naan, just killed a man. Pappadom against his head.
Had lime pickle now he's dead.
Naan, dinner's just begun. But now I'm gonna throw it all away.
Naan, ooh, ooh
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back from the loo this time tomorrow curry on, curry on
'Cos nothing really Madras.

Too late, my dinner's gone. Sends shivers down my spine.
Bottom aching all the time.
Goodbye onion bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo.
Naan, ooh, ooh
This dupiaza is so mild, I sometimes wish we'd never come here at all... [guitar solo]

I see a little chicken tikka on the side
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh, pass the chutney made of mango
Vindaloo does nicely, very very spicy Meat!
Byriani, Byriani, Byriani and a naan
A vindaloo ..loo.. loo.. loo

I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to the lavatory
Stand you well back
In case the loo is quarantined...

Here it comes
Technicolor yawn. I chunder. No!
It's coming up again (There he goes)
I chunder, it's coming back again (There he goes)
Coming back again (up again)
Here it comes again. (No no no no no no NO)

On my knees, I'm on my knees
On his knees, Oh, there he goes
This vindaloo is about to wreck my guts
Poor meee.. poor meeee...poor MEEEEEE! [guitar solo]

So you think you can chunder and then feel all right?
So you try to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Oh maybe, but now you'll puke like a baby
Just had to come out
It just had to come right out in here. ... [guitar solo]

Korma or dupiaza, bhaji, naan or saag
Nothing makes a difference. Nothing makes a difference
To meee.... (anyway the wind blows....shshshsh)

Re: Let's have a laugh

Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of Pedigree Dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Pedigree Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from Tesco. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

Re: Let's have a laugh

Three engineers and three accountants are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

”How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant.

”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

All of them board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the toilet door and says, “Ticket, please.
”The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was a clever idea.

So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.

”How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed accountant.

”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a toilet and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the accountants are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
“Ticket, please.”

Re: Let's have a laugh

Excellent.

Re: Let's have a laugh

Hilarious!! Would you mind if I 'pinch' this to share??