21-01-2013, 04:59 PM
16
Re: Computer Funnies
Computer AddictIf your grandchildren are brats without manners, You blame television.
If your friend is shot by a Deranged madman, You blame the gun manufacturer..
And if a crazed person breaks Into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead - The mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.
So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED ASS is parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to blame Bill Gates.
22-01-2013, 06:02 PM
17
Re: Computer Funnies
12 Step Recovery Program For Web Addicts.
1.I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
2.I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3.I will get dressed before noon.
4.I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
5.I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
6.I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
7.I will read a book... if I still remember how.
8.I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
9.I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10.1I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11.I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
12.Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!
22-01-2013, 09:35 PM
18
Re: Computer Funnies
A techie woman writes to the IT Technical support.....Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 , and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0 , MONEY 3.0 and ESPN 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
_______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______ ___ _______
The IT Help Desk Responds
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly (Beta version).
Whatever you do, DO NOT in any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!
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