"I have a vewwy gweat fwiend in Wome named Biggus Dickus"...

[nobody chucked at the pic I posted then? Am I...[gulp]...NOT David Bailey?...]

I had a giggle at your picture Pug me lad, and fair play to you, It takes a good snow plough driver to drive through a group of polar bears without sweeping them up with the rest of the snow, God bless your eyesight young man.

I’m a good environmentalist so I left instructions with the wife to bury me without clothes and give my best suit to Oxfam so one of their workers in Haiti will look respectable the next time he visits a brothel.

The Blushing Corpse
By Jem.

At great shock and surprise to us
Uncle Harry was knocked down by a bus
Gods will, ‘cos he was sick and couldn’t be cured
Luckily he was with the Woolwich and well insured.

Aunt Betty set the ball in motion
And he lay in the chapel with great devotion
Little did they know as they all knelt
Harry was lying in the box in his pelt.

Father O’Toole said a few kind words
And the choir sang out the usual chords
Suddenly a thump was heard on the coffin lid
“Don’t panic, I’ll open it” cried old Uncle Sid

Harry stood up all sad and forlorn
Naked as the day he was born
Face as red as the rising sun
With all the ladies looking at his cute little bum.

Stop me if I've posted this one before..

Young Robert, Your poems!
I really am in awe of your talent.
Repeat all you like.

Awww Gawan, I'll get puffed up and precocious, well even more than I am now


but don't stop yet


As St Augustine famously said.

"Dear Lord, make me chaste but not yet.

I have an embarrassing symptom
I’ve been putting off seeing the doc
I suppose I’ll just have to tell him
Just exactly what I think I’ve got

It’s down below doctor doctor dear
Down below but not as far as my feet
More, half way up near my femurs
And above my rosy pink little bum cheeks